Joemala: Episode 76

by | Jul 20, 2022 | Joemala | 223 comments

 

Finnegan braced herself against the edge of the vat and reached down into the viscous goo to take Joe by his arm and pull him upward. He surfaced like a painful memory–slow, hazy, then all too sharp; his spindly limbs and liver-spotted body struggling weakly. She helped him sit up and unstrapped his breathing mask. She peeled back his eyelids and checked his pupils with a pen light. The left was still blown out, dilated and frozen, iris swallowed by blackness.

“Grandpa?” she asked, grabbing his knobby shoulder and giving him a shake. “Can you hear me?”

Startled, he farted, bubbles rising from the goo and breaking. His breastmilk diet had given him even worse gas than normal and the transfusions of blood had turned his feces to meconium. His body was covered in lanugo that came off as she rubbed him with a rough towel to stimulate blood flow.

“How long was I out?” he muttered, not opening his eyes.

“I need you to stand up,” she said.

“How long was I out?” he asked again, his voice rising. “What year is it?”

“It’s 2022, Grandpa,” she said. She lifted under his armpits and he stood.

“2022?” he asked. “My god, I’ve been asleep for thirty years! It’s the future!”

“You’ve been in the amniotic tank for a day, Grandpa,” Finnegan said, pushing the goo off of him and back intot he vat. “Step out when you’re ready.”

“Thirty years,” he said wonderingly. “And it seemed to pass in only a day.”

“It’s only been a day,” Finnegan said. “We had to put you in the tank on your way back from the Middle East. That place is filthy. We had to strip off your outer layer of skin and force it to grow back.”

“There’s still a Middle East?” Joe asked as she helped him out of the vat. His penis dripped amniotic fluid on the floor with a series of faint plops.

She finished drying him as he looked around the medical suite in wonder.

“Thank you, young lady,” Joe said absently.

“I’m Finnegan. I’m your Granddaughter.”

“Beau has children already?” Joe asked excitedly.

“Uh, I’m, uh, Hunter’s daughter.”

“Hunter has children?” Joe asked as she finally got him to slip on the robe she was holding out. “How many?”

“Six or seven, I think?” Finnegan said, shrugging. “It’s hard to keep up.”

“The future!” Joe said.

Finnegan backed away and hit the big red Medical Emergency button. A low alarm began to cycle.

“What’s that?” Joe asked.

“I’ve called for your doctor,” Finnegan said.

“Why? I feel great! I’m only fifty years old!” Joe said. “I want to go outside. I want to see the wonders of the future!”

“She’s just going to make sure the, uh, process didn’t hurt you. Just a precaution.”

“She? A woman doctor? Wow! It really is the future!” Joe said.

There was a heavy knock on the door. “Come in, Rachel,” Finnegan called.

“Hello, Mr. President,” she said as she stepped into the room, her craggy teeth showing in a Jack Kirby smile.

“What the fuck it that?!?” Joe screamed, pointing a shaking hand at the doctor.

“This is Admiral Rachel Levine,” Finnegan said. “Your doctor.”

“No! Get it away! What is it?”

“Rachel is a transwoman, Grandpa. Don’t be a J. K. Rowling.”

“That is not a woman! It’s an atomic mutant! What the fuck is a J. K. Rowling?”

Rachel’s smile became progressively more strained.

“Don’t misgender her!” Finnegan snapped.

“That’s not a fucking word!” Joe screamed, backing into the far corner of the suite.

“Rachel, maybe you should go.”

The Admiral walked out heavily, her huge feet making the floor creak.

Joe sank into a chair and covered his face in his hands.

“The future,” he sobbed. “The future is a nightmare! Send me back! Send me back!”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

223 Comments

  1. Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

    “The future,” he sobbed. “The future is a nightmare! Send me back! Send me back!”

    QFT

    • Gustave Lytton

      From the mouths of babes and innocents.

      • MikeS

        And senile old grifting rat bastards.

  2. juris imprudent

    “No! Get it way! What is it?”

    Poor Joe, in those rare moments of lucidity.

  3. The Other Kevin

    “The future is a nightmare! Send me back! Send me back!”

    Finally one thing with which I can agree with our president. Either send him back, or send me back. I’m fine with either one.

    • Drake

      Yes. I’ll take 1981 please.

      • Sensei

        Plus ça change. Inflation raging, cold and hot proxy conflicts with the Russians…

      • Drake

        …and then, everything got better and kept getting better. I want the whole ride again.

      • Sensei

        Well let’s not forget Fauci’s response to AIDs explaining why dating was going to require a dental dam.

        And even after that we were all still going to die.

      • slumbrew

        Yeah, that was great timing for my teenaged sex life.

        I was just reflecting on the inanity of dental dam recommendations for the ladies who liked ladies, back in the day.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Give me back the Berlin wall
      Give me Stalin and St. Paul
      Give me Christ
      Or give me Hiroshima
      Destroy another fetus now
      We don’t like children anyhow
      I’ve seen the future, baby: It is murder

      https://youtu.be/8WlbQRoz3o4

    • Certified Public Asshat

      At least the past is pretty terrible too.

  4. Tundra

    His body was covered in lanugo that came off as she rubbed him with a rough towel to stimulate blood flow.

    Wow.

    • The Other Kevin

      I’m horrified, I’m entertained, and I learn new words!

      • Tundra

        Yes, I had to look that one up.

        Just amazing.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Pretty much how I feel.

        I almost believe Heroic Mulatto advised on obscure vocabulary for this one.

      • Drake

        Me too! Had to look up two words in the 3rd paragraph to get the full horror.

      • Lackadaisical

        I guess I just had a baby recently enough. Just like a newborn.

  5. Tonio

    Visceral horror. Nightmarish monsters Mary Shelley only wishes she could have envisioned.

    We are not worthy of SugarFree.

  6. Ownbestenemy

    NTSB dude is giving me the side eye as I snicker to this

    • Lackadaisical

      ‘lack of professional culture in ATC may have contributed to the crash ‘ /ntsb report

  7. The Late P Brooks

    “The future,” he sobbed. “The future is a nightmare! Send me back! Send me back!”

    You and me both, sister.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    His body was covered in lanugo that came off as she rubbed him with a rough towel to stimulate blood flow.

    Needs more pressure washer.

    • R C Dean

      Apparently, I was covered in the stuff when I was born. Looked like a chimp. I think the only reason Pater Dean kept me around was I got him out of the night compass march (in the pouring rain) at Quantico.

  9. R C Dean

    “Hunter has children?” Joe asked as she finally got him to slip on the robe she was holding out. “How many?”

    “Six or seven, I think?” Finnegan said, shrugging. “It’s hard to keep up.”

    This week’s winner.

    • Timeloose

      Agreed. I was about to post the same.

      I heard Biden’s voice when the lines ““2022?” he asked. “My god, I’ve been asleep for thirty years! It’s the future!” With a kind of a combination of Zapp Brannigan and Charlton Hesston.

    • Ted S.

      Yeah; that was the first line that struck me.

    • Sensei

      That’s on my list of cars I wouldn’t mind having.

      From memory I watched a video from an owner who said that windshields are unobtainable. So if you live in a state with safety inspections a cracked windshield can it off the road.

    • juris imprudent

      Friend on FB just posted some pics of a Vincent Black Shadow our mutual friend just acquired.

      • EvilSheldon

        *jealous noises*

      • Timeloose

        That bike is one that HD, Britt, BMW, Italian, and Japanese bikers agree it is one of the coolest looking ever made.

    • Grummun

      My brother bought an X1/9 in high school. After multiple trips to the local import repair place, we pushed it into the top of the barn, and it stayed there ~15 years until Mom and Dad sold the farm.

      Last year, my wife and I visited Nashville, and went to the Lane Motor Museum. They’ve got a Bertone X1/9. I took a picture and sent it to my brother. His take: “That piece of shit broke down on that spot and they built a museum around it.”

  10. R C Dean

    I do enjoy poor Finnegan as the normie heroine of these. Really sets up the contrast you need to the howling lunatics that otherwise prowl the halls of power.

    • MikeS

      Agreed she makes an excellent straight man.

  11. Drake

    How it started vs. how it’s going for the Indiana mall shooter. (Warning Gab link)

    Did he really spend an hour in the bathroom getting ready only to get his ticket punched 15 seconds later?

    • waffles

      Yes, he did.

    • The Other Kevin

      I have heard that consistently. Maybe he was working up the nerve to do it.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Twenty years old shooter! Clearly we need to raise the age for gun ownership to 26.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Damn, I thought my kids were skinny.

      He wasn’t an easy target from 120 feet.

      • The Other Kevin

        Add the nervousness and adrenaline, and that is an impressive feat.

      • Animal

        And yet the good guy with the gun put steel on target. Someone ought to give him a medal.

      • Penguin

        Yeah, if he’d stood sideways there might ‘ve been fewer hits.

      • Sean

        Hero shot from a braced position. Still impressive.

      • R C Dean

        Making the correct choice to shoot from a braced position makes it more, not less, impressive in my book.

        Haven’t been following in detail: what was the perp packing?

      • Sean

        For those of you who don’t know…that’s another kid shooter with a spendy rifle. ~$1,500

      • UnCivilServant

        We need to redirect these crazies at whoever’s been approving the taxpayer dollars for their hardware.

      • Tundra
      • R C Dean

        Well, its not like they are building a nest egg for retirement.

      • EvilSheldon

        Shooting a pistol from a supported position doesn’t help with accuracy as much as you’d probably think. OTOH, it can help significantly with not getting hit by incoming fire…

        Either way, 8/10 at 40 yards is amazing shooting, full stop.

      • Sean

        Either way, 8/10 at 40 yards is amazing shooting, full stop.

        Agreed.

      • slumbrew

        I saw he had a Springfield Hellcat – that’s amazing accuracy for a 3″ barrel.

        (that could have just been a “for instance”, though – but probably not anything much bigger)

      • EvilSheldon

        I don’t much care for Springfield XD-type pistols (they break a lot) but they have always been extremely accurate.

      • R C Dean

        I don’t think I would have attempted to shoot at 40 yards, other than (perhaps) to distract the shooter. At 40, I would be thinking I’d be way too likely to hit a bystander. Most likely, I would have tried to close the range (and wound up on the list of victims).

      • Not Adahn

        The stop plate on Speed Option is a bit more than 105′ away. That is far enough that the time to hear the impact on the plate is longer than it takes to pull the trigger again.

      • Drake

        This weekend will be pistol practice at the range. I seriously doubt I could do 8 / 10 rapid fire at that distance with the compact 9mm – while under zero pressure.

      • EvilSheldon

        I think a lot of people will be doing the same, and good on ’em.

      • R C Dean

        I have no doubt I couldn’t do 8/10 rapid fire at that range.

        At least I know I can drop a 12 gauge slug on target at that range. Rapid follow up shots not necessary. But boy, do people get all weird when you roll out in a mall with a shotgun . . . .

      • EvilSheldon

        You are physically capable of shooting a pistol to that standard, trust me on that. You just need to get your mind right and put away those impure thoughts. A little practice at 25+ yards will also help.

      • R C Dean

        I’m sure I can get there. I just know I’m not there now. Once I go part-time, I expect to spend (a lot) more time at the range.

        I am really looking forward to my two-day class in September on how to run the Tavor properly. I need to get it out to the range to see how the suppressor affects its zero; I’m thinking i may train with the suppressor. since that’s probably how it will be set up if I ever need it for reals.

        *heads over to ammoseek to check bulk ammo deals*

      • Not Adahn

        Join a practical shooting group. Shooting fast, relatively accurately, under stress, in odd positions, with concrete, quantitative feedback.

      • EvilSheldon

        Definitely do the class with the can in place.

      • EvilSheldon

        Also, what the rat said.

      • Drake

        I just bought some Norma 9mm on sale AND they threw in a free box of .22lr earlier this week. They are sold out now, but their site is worth keeping an eye on.
        https://normashooting.com/

      • R C Dean

        concrete, quantitative feedback

        That’s an odd way to say “verbal abuse from your buddies”.

      • EvilSheldon

        That fucking Norma stuff makes me tear my hair out. The damn Euros decided to make it with a ridiculously small flash hole – too small for a decapping pin to knock the primer out. Little fucks jam my press every time one makes it into the decap station…

    • Sean
      • MikeS

        Excellent. Fucking excellent.

    • EvilSheldon

      I do not like that the dead asshole is wearing my sunglasses…

      • MikeS

        Look at it this way, one less person to have an awkward confrontation with on a sunny day.

  12. Bobarian LMD

    Things I never wanted to know for a $1000, Alex Mayim.

    Meconium is composed of materials ingested during the time the infant spends in the uterus: intestinal epithelial cells, lanugo, mucus, amniotic fluid, bile and water.

    The $500 answer was:

    Lanugo is very thin, soft, usually unpigmented, downy hair that is sometimes found on the body of a fetus or newborn.

    • whiz

      You forgot to put your answer in the form of a question 🙂

  13. Not Adahn

    Some of you grammar nerds should know:

    Rachel’s smile became progressive more strained

    What kind of punctuation make would best got between “progressive” and “more strained? 😕 -? –? :-)? 8===)~?

    • Not Adahn

      Fascinating

    • MikeS

      I read it as a typo, (should be progressively) not missing punctuation.

      Or am I just missing some snark?

      • whiz

        I also thought typo. Adverbs haz a sad.

    • Lackadaisical

      I thought we were doing to roast him for this bit:

      “her huge feet making the floor creek.”

      That’s a heavy person if they can make a creek spring up from the floor.

      • Not Adahn

        Xe IS an atomic mutant.

  14. Rebel Scum

    That is not a woman! It’s an atomic mutant!

    70s era Biden was far more reasonable.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      It is interesting to me that one would choose to be a really ugly woman instead of an average to ugly man.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I’ve been friends with a guy for 37 years now. My first real friend…his older brother transitioned from Ricky to Rebecca about fifteen years ago. Despite the estrogen treatments, the huge, square blockhead and the pronounced beer gut plus the fact he never cut off his junk makes the whole charade laughable…Bob has Bitch Tits.

  15. Rebel Scum

    If only there was a concrete solution.

    Protester attached his hand with Instant Beton (concrete) to block the street.

    Give the protestor props for creativity.

    • UnCivilServant

      Take the jaws of life to the fleshy bits, they cut easier.

      It’s my same solution for when protestors chain themselves to things or form a human chain with their handcuffed hands inside pipes.

      It’ll deter the future use of such tactics, and actively prevent that set of protestors from doing so personally.

    • Sean

      Sledegehammer is quicker. Just saying.

      • R C Dean

        I’d pay to watch the video of somebody rolling up on him with a sledgehammer. Lulz would ensue.

        Especially if they said “Oh, you don’t want to get you loose with this?” and came back with a Sawzall.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This is why God invented machetes.

      • R.J.

        Those Sawzalls that can go through studs with nails in them would be the scary winner.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      We shouldn’t give medical care to those who refuse a covid vaccine…

    • slumbrew

      I call bullshit – no way that sets up that fast, even the “quick” stuff.

      • Sensei

        Isn’t it exothermic as well? How hot does it get while it sets.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        If it’s fast-setting, quite warm and probably caustic.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Yeah, and that stuff will also give you chemical burns.

      • Rebel Scum

        Nothing is set in stone so you shouldn’t take your hands for granite.

      • hayeksplosives

        Maybe it was invisible concrete, like AOC’s handcuffs.

  16. Rebel Scum

    My God…

    The term, “Good Samaritan” came from a Bible passage of a man from Samaria who stopped on the side of the road to help a man who was injured and ignored.

    I cannot believe we live in a world where the term can equally apply to someone *killing* someone… my God.

    …what an ignorant/dishonest cunte.

    • Sean

      These are the same people totes cool with killing babies. They can be ignored and/or mocked.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I bet the same person thinks we should be killing Russians for Ukraine.

    • hayeksplosives

      So it would have been better to patiently wait to be shot, along with dozens of others?

      They’re so brainwashed into “guns evil” that they make completely nonsensical statements like that.

      If the “Samaritan” had fatally shot him with an arrow, would that have been ok, or is it just as “bad”?

      • EvilSheldon

        The brainwashing goes even deeper than that, I think. They’re brainwashed into resenting anyone who demands that they themselves take action or make a decision.

        You see it all the time. “Why should I have to do XYZ?!?! Blah blah blah anxiety yadda yadda emotional labor blah blah mental load…”

      • hayeksplosives

        You might be onto something there. I do hear the equivalent of “The government wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.”

        In this case, it’d be “That’s what cops are for.” Tell that to the Uvalde parents.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Already memory-holed for them.

      • Nephilium

        Is that in Nevada?

    • EvilSheldon

      Ignorant, dishonest, morally stunted, significantly subnormal in both intelligence and emotional maturity, and absolutely convinced that she’s the smartest and most empathetic person in the room.

      I hope you get eaten by voles.

    • hayeksplosives

      One of the replies: “No he was not a Good Samaritan. He was a vigilante.”

      Uh, if the murderous rampage is unfolding before your eyes and you stop it, that’s not vigilantism. Vigilantism would be taking out revenge on the shooter a week later.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’d still be fine with that.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, me too.

        But this idiot thinks the 22 year old is morally wrong.

      • Trigger Hippie

        When your take away from that incedent is to criticize the person who saved at the least several if not dozens of lives for possibly ignoring carry restrictions then it’s time to take a step back and reexamine your entire moral compass because there’s something desperately wrong with you.

    • MikeS

      And his followers manage to out-retard him:

      🪦 Amy, a ride out of OH for womens’ health. DM 🪦
      @PfftMaybe

      Why did he bring a gun shopping, in a specified gun free zone? Hmm not so good by definition.
      What if he was there to shoot people?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I… uh… whatever man…

      • Penguin

        What if he was there to shoot people?

        Then he made remarkably good choices about 1) who to shoot and 2) when to stop. As far as you, Amy, keep on hanging out in those gun-free zones.

      • Rebel Scum

        Why did he bring a gun shopping, in a specified gun free zone?

        That is a good question for every mass-murderer and wannabe mass-murderer.

      • R C Dean

        In case he needed one to stop a mass shooter? Hey, whaddayaknow . . . .

    • The Other Kevin

      I’m willing to stop using the term and refer to them as “heroes”.

      • Lackadaisical

        This!

        This kid better not pay for a beer the rest of his life.

      • R C Dean

        Maybe he’s a “Kyle”?

    • Brett L

      I join in on thinking Good Samaritan is the wrong analogy here. Did that young man do a good thing for people he did not know? Absolutely. Is that the best analogy from the Western Canon? Probably not. Hero is a fine designation for him.

      • Trigger Hippie

        ^

      • R C Dean

        Same here. If I’m going to stay on my “words have meanings”* kick, I need to do it consistently.

        *apologies to HM.

      • UnCivilServant

        Words have meanings. The reverse is nonsensical.

      • Mojeaux

        No it isn’t. “Meanings have words.” Thought/meaning come before the words to articulate them. How many times have you known what you wanted to say but couldn’t think of the word for a while?

      • Mojeaux

        Also, since HM is a linguist, I would have to believe he’s given this a great deal of thought.

      • UnCivilServant

        I am not one to defer to authority.

        People can think on a topic a great deal and still reach the wrong conclusion.

      • Mojeaux

        I think you are totally and completely (and possibly willfully) missing the point, but you do you.

      • Gender Traitor

        “Hero” is a bit broad – not specific enough. I’ll go with “savior.”

  17. hayeksplosives

    I don’t know how long the Joemala cover art has had Joe’s grafted-on head sniffing Kamala, but I just noticed it today.

    Isn’t she a little old for him?

    • Rebel Scum

      He doesn’t discriminate.

    • CPRM

      Since I first gave SF the artwork.

      • hayeksplosives

        Uffda. I’m not very observant I guess, at least, not on the cover page. Reading on a cell phone doesn’t help either!!

      • R.J.

        His mind blocked the image. I thought is is an awesome homage to “The Thing with Two Heads.”

      • SugarFree

        Winner winner, chicken dinner.

  18. Rebel Scum

    What?

    The NRA won’t tell you that defensive gun use is rare, and data shows criminal carry laws increase gun crime and gun homicides in the states where they’re passed. But most of all, these deadly laws increase gun sales, which is the real reason they’re pushing them.

    Actually the CDC estimate on defensive gun uses is in the hundreds of thousands to a couple million.

    • hayeksplosives

      Every issue of The Rifleman includes a page of about a dozen short blurbs in which a legal gun owner used a gun to protect a life or property.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Most purported self-defense gun uses are gun uses in escalating arguments, and are both socially undesirable and illegal

        There’s a wild amount of wiggle room and variation in “socially undesirable and illegal.”

        Ask Jose Alba whether his use of a knife is considered legal.

      • R C Dean

        You mean, an argument that escalates to the point where somebody needs to defend himself? How does that make it undesirable or illegal?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Based on the tweets above, “undesirable” seems to encompass any use of self-defense.

        And illegal appears to be up to the DAs these days.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, the true believers want to eliminate all forms of self-defense. See Britain for many examples, where they are several years further down this road than the US.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Another gem

        Criminal court judges who read the self-reported accounts of the purported self-defense gun use rated a majority as being illegal, even assuming that the respondent had a permit to own and to carry a gun, and that the respondent had described the event honestly from his own perspective.

        The law [decider] is an ass

    • whiz

      The NRA won’t tell you that defensive gun use is rare

      Uh, maybe they won’t tell you because it isn’t?

    • R C Dean

      data shows criminal carry laws increase gun crime and gun homicides in the states where they’re passed

      Show your work.

      Or is this just cherry picked data correlating a general increase in crime to a carry law. If so, did the rate of increase change after the law was passed? If so:

      (a) Do gun crimes and homicides by people who qualify to carry go up?

      (b) If so, do they go up more than the general population?

      • hayeksplosives

        I’m guessing the vast majority of gun crimes are gang related inner city messes. Probably not many licensed carriers were involved.

        There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.

  19. Mojeaux

    @DEG: I hear Freedom Fest is going to be in Memphis next year. Technically speaking, that might be doable for us, but, you know, special circumstances.

  20. grrizzly

    Move over Fauci and Birx, we found the new top Covid villain: Deputy National Security Advisor, Matt Pottinger.

    Throughout January 2020, Pottinger unilaterally called White House meetings to spread alarmism about the virus. Beginning in February 2020, he started pushing for universal masking and travel quarantines. Pottinger popularized the idea of shutdowns within the White House using a questionable study on the 1918 flu pandemic comparing outcomes between Philadelphia and St. Louis. He installed Deborah Birx to serve as White House Coronavirus Response Coordinator. Pottinger promoted the idea of mass testing for the coronavirus and endorsed use of the drug remdesivir as a possible Covid therapy.

    The son of leading Department of Justice official Stanley Pottinger, Matt Pottinger graduated with a degree in Chinese studies in 1998 before going to work as a journalist in China for seven years, where he reported on topics including the original SARS. In 2005, Pottinger unexpectedly left journalism and obtained an age waiver to join the US Marine Corps.

    Over several tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, Pottinger became a decorated intelligence officer and met General Michael Flynn, who later appointed him to the National Security Council (NSC). Pottinger was originally in line to be China Director, but Flynn gave him the more senior job of Asia Director.

    Despite being new to civilian government, Pottinger outlasted many others in Trump’s White House. In September 2019, Pottinger was named Deputy National Security Advisor, second only to National Security Advisor Robert O’Brien.

    • R C Dean

      I wonder what a thorough forensic accounting of his assets and income would show.

    • kinnath

      Proof that one man can make a difference.

      But, why is always the wrong man?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Scott Atlas appears to have been the only one with any fucking sense at all in the WH.

      • The Other Kevin

        “sense”

        I think you misspelled “lack of ties to China.”

    • R C Dean

      Over several tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, Pottinger became a decorated intelligence officer

      We did such a bang-up job there. I’m sure he earned every medal.

    • Lackadaisical

      The only thing that actually would have made sense was a complete travel ban/proper quarantining of travelers into the country. And then nuking Beijing and DC for their roles in creating it.

      • Ted S.

        How quickly it went down the memory hole that Trump tried to ban flights from Wuhan, and was pilloried for it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        👆👆👆

        It was an extreme act of racism as I recall.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Hug an Asian!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Cause he is racist duh

      • grrizzly

        And that was the correct criticism of Trump. Sure, he was influenced by the likes of Pottinger, but Trump made the first unprecedent move to do something crazy about a respiratory virus. Fuck Trump for banning flights to China. The international travel still hasn’t recovered since then.

      • Ted S.

        I tend to agree that the horse was already out the barn door by that point, but that wasn’t why Trump was criticized. As the other comments mentioned, TEAM BLUE played the bigotry card.

        I also recall that trying to prevent people from a given area from entering the US was something that quite a few of the commenters here (well, actually at TOS since it was before the founding of Glibertarians) that was a great idea during the Great Ebola Freakout of 2014.

      • Lackadaisical

        The correct criticism was that he was racist?

        You could certainly argue that there were civil rights violations there in requiring people to quarantine, etc, but I guess I take it as the lesser evil compared to the lockdowns and forced injections we decided to do instead.

        You may be right that such scrubs only set the stage for worse restrictions, since no one can ever admit that a strategy has stopped working and to back off on it instead of doubling down.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m of the opinion that it was the least damaging and most logical move he could make at that point, and if it bought time to figure out a better plan so be it.

        That said, it would have turned out just like every other country did, making no difference,

      • Lackadaisical

        Maybe a marginal improvement, if we were also way smarter re: ventilators, and other treatments. Realistically it was probably a fait accompli by then and outr and borders, especially in the south almost guaranteed that a quarantine wouldn’t work for long.

      • grrizzly

        Obviously, I’m not talking about racism. My point is that it was the first major NPI against coronavirus implemented by the US. It paved the way for much worse stuff. At the time I wasn’t particularly concerned about it since it didn’t affect me directly. It didn’t even bother me that Trump brought it up non-stop during his re-election campaign. But after years of this nightmare and knowing now that the virus had spread out much earlier than we thought at the time, I’m thinking about it as one of the first wrong moves in dealing with the virus. My opinion is that absolutely nothing should have been done about the virus. It was a bad flu. Nothing more.

      • grrizzly

        This approach kind of worked for Australia. But even Australia couldn’t keep their country hermetically sealed forever. Once they opened up, after poisoning almost everyone with an immunity-damaging “vaccine”, covid hospitalizations are reaching record levels.

      • Lackadaisical

        Well, there is no way to avoid it forever, but the newer variants appear to be far less deadly, so if we could delay things a year or two, that would not have been bad. Maybe we could also have learned treatment lessons by then that would knock case fatality rates down. (I crack myself up)

        The vaccine shit we’re on the same page and I never injected the junk into me. I don’t know that we realistically avoid that fate. Many people took them quite voluntarily. If you want to add another thing to your Trump did wrong list, maybe put warp speed on it.

      • rhywun

        I bet “warp speed” was already well underway.

        something something tin foil

      • grrizzly

        Research of bio weapons is banned. UNLESS it’s a part of vaccine research and development. Source: RFK Jr.’s book.

      • Lackadaisical

        I don’t know that is even tin foil worthy at this point.

        China was working on vaccines as part of their research, and there’s no doubt they created and released (intentional or otherwise) the virus.

        The thing warp speed did though was to set the stage for traps approval and adoption of the vaccines. Theoretically though, I’m against government restrictions on what you can inject into yourself, so no foul there?

    • Plisade

      “Journalist” in China, obtained an age waiver to join the US Marine Corps, intelligence officer, National Security Council Asia Director, Deputy National Security Advisor.

      I smell a rat, a very highly placed rat.

      • Lackadaisical

        I doubt Not Adahn is a Chinese asset.

  21. Warty

    I love living in a body horror-centric and perverted 70s sci-fi novel.

    • R C Dean

      My squats are coming along, slowly. I think I’m finally getting the mobility/flexibility to have decent form. I hope so, because I’m ready to make some GAINZZ.

      And I owe it all to you.

      • Warty

        Outstanding, and I’m glad that I’ve helped.

        Post some videos sometime if you want a form check.

      • R C Dean

        Thanks.

        I get enough verbal abuse from Mrs. Dean on my form*, though. And she is an expert on such things. My main problems on back squats are getting enough arch in my back, keeping my weight back, and not doing that booty drop thing at the bottom. My front squats are better. Having an actual, competent physical trainer in the house (where the gym is) is a godsend.

        *That’s my form for squats, you pervs.

  22. Penguin

    Matt Christiansen on the Indiana mall shooting.

    • whiz

      Nice.

  23. JG43

    Carry over from the dead thread: I got my power bill today. It was thicker than usual because it had two extra brochures and a cover letter explaining why it was not there fault at all with all the supply chain issues and troubles in eastern Europe.

    What was all this blather about? It was about a 50% increase in my power bill (per unit) from last month. You see since I live in the Peoples Republic of Illinois, my power supplier, Ameren, had no choice but to buy power from other regions to cover demand. This of course has nothing to do with shuttering most of the coal plants in the state and relying, or trying to, on solar and wind. Nope. That wasn’t even mentioned.

    I used about 5% more power this month than last (hey, it was hotter). My bill went from $290 to $402. I can’t wait to see next month after 4 solid weeks of 90-100 degrees.

    • R.J.

      Same. Cost of power is up, usage also. Let’s go Brandon.

    • Tundra

      Dumb fucks. “Net Zero” is really just mass extinction.

      I told my wife to not even tell me what the bills are this summer. My blood pressure is high enough as it is.

    • Lackadaisical

      Oof.

      Mine was ‘only’ $250 last month, but it’s already been 90-100 the past month.

    • R.J.

      Fuck off. I use Brave.

      • Ted S.

        Looking at the URL, this isn’t Google’s fault, but the fucking Canadian Content rules.

      • rhywun

        👍🏻 Exactly what I thought

    • Fatty Bolger

      Have to protect that distinctive Canadian culture, lmao.

    • Trigger Hippie

      AkunClawSauce?

      • The Other Kevin

        Brain cancer I would believe.

      • R C Dean

        He says, however, that he intends to seek a second term in 2024 and his defenders note that he’s struggled for years with gaffes or inaccurate remarks.

        Oh, well, that’s alright then. Carry on.

      • SDF-7

        “You knew he was a moron for years before you *cough* elected *cough* him!”

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Hell, over thirty years ago he claimed in front of TV cameras to have graduated at the top of his class with multiple honorariums and it was all horseshit. This ain’t gonna get better.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        JHTFC

        Joe’s known for telling bullshit stories, but this one is bad true or not.

    • Drake

      Anschluss?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Analsus-sauce

    • R C Dean

      Put some New Mex red sauce on it, and I’d eat it.

    • The Other Kevin

      They managed to ruin three dishes at the same time. Impressive!

    • whiz

      No … just no.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Oh my god….it was grey….that has to be a troll

    • slumbrew

      Tell me you hate steak without telling me you hate steak.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’d eat it but I’m hella hungry right now.

    • Rebel Scum

      Agreed. Those skillets are awful. Gotta have cast iron or carbon steel.

    • rhywun

      *hurk*

    • Lackadaisical

      Summary execution is the only solution

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That speaker list, what in the ever-loving fuck?

      They’ve gone full Niskanen.

    • Lackadaisical

      Unless the conversation involves a bat, they’re doing it wrong.

    • SDF-7

      The big quote from the article (and presumably the study):

      “The decrease in immunity can be caused by several factors such as N1-methylpseudouridine, the spike protein, lipid nanoparticles, antibody-dependent enhancement, and the original antigenic stimulus. These clinical alterations may explain the association reported between COVID-19 vaccination and shingles. As a safety measure, further booster vaccinations should be discontinued,” an NIH summary of the study continues.

      So maybe California et alia can fuck the fuck right off now? Yes, I’m still worried about mandatory school vaccinations of this shit.

      • Lackadaisical

        That’s coming soon. All states require whatever CDC says, and who controls that agency now?

  24. Ted S.

    “She? A woman doctor? Wow! It really is the future!” Joe said.

    I was expecting it to be Mrs. Jill Biden.

    • Ownbestenemy

      That would be too benign for this episode…I loved the twist

    • rhywun

      Uh oh.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Can’t you just feel the stability under your feet?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Oh goody

    • R C Dean

      I’ve never been that worried that China was going to turn into much of a hegemon. They have the same fatal flaw as all totalitarian regimes, after all. Russia only made it to hegemon status because of a lucky confluence of WWII and nukes. China is rotten with serious, serious problems, demographic, financial, governance, who knows what else. I’m sure they can cause regional problems, for awhile, but the idea that they are going to take over the world has always struck me as just another Chicken Little exercise.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The warmongering rhetoric surrounding China is ridiculous. As per usual, it’s a convenient way to deflect attention away from our own problems.

  25. mikey

    Only in Glibertopia can I be amazed, amused, revolted and build my vocabulary all at the same time.
    Splendiferous!