Starseeker

by | Sep 2, 2022 | Fiction | 137 comments

We really didnt know how it was out there, so we sent thousands of souls out on journeys of exploration, never to return.

Most were terminal cancer patients, otherwise of sound mind and willing to try what was then the controversial mind implant.

Remember this was 2500 years ago so what they did in 21c was barbaric by our standards yet here we are.

When we found the signal and realized its distance we were stunned, he was alive and operational?

After many attempts we realised it was in fact just a message, an artifact from thousands of years ago, sad really.

Anyway, we thought you should listen to a voice from the past.

Traveling through the star light,

Through the inky black glow,

Searching for newness,

Things I do not know,

 

I was inspired long ago,

To seek a newer path,

And I volunteered and became,

One with my craft,

 

I flew ten thousand days and then I knew,

This the end for for me,

 

I have seen blue stars,

And green women,

Shattered skies,

And deep Seamen,

 

And androids dressed in cordouroy,

Dancing with young boys,

And lousy bands who think they grand,

But just make too much noise,

 I slipped the bonds of this great earth,

And tossed my life away,

I am the ship and it is me,

Forever and a day,

Millenia and entropy will kill me sometime near,

Til then, whats next?

“Hello?? This is Cylon 3133 R Lozonne”

Anyone there?

“Hello, Cylon 3133 please respond….”

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

137 Comments

  1. Swiss Servator

    Agile Cyborg, come in…need assistance…

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I lost cyborg signal long ago

      • Swiss Servator

        As did we all… *haz sad*

        Endeavor to persevere, Yusef.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I get to go to Honey harvest in a week or two that’s going to be awesome

      • Tundra

        You have all the details?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I have a complete itinerary with Golf Course stops in four different places before I ever get to Emily so yep

      • Tundra

        Awesome. If you’ve never been to that part of the world, I think it will blow your mind.

  2. R.J.

    Stay away from those deep seamen. You’ll get the Minkey pox.
    Nice post, Yusef!

  3. Old Man With Candy

    Sorry, OT.

    Zooms seems to be an issue. Neph may have been carried off by Sloopy and Banjos, WebDom is busy fixing up her new nest, and I don’t have any kind of account.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      No zoom! we’re doomed! what will we do on our Friday night?

      • Shiny Nerfherder

        Valium?

        At least that’s what I’m doing.

      • Shiny Nerfherder

        Good enough

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Tall Cans!
        Cheers!

      • R.J.

        Cheers! Vodka martini here.

      • Ted S.

        Need something drier.

      • Rebel Scum

        The threat needs to ferment for awhile. I just hope there are no sour grapes among the zoomers.

      • Rebel Scum

        *thread…

        Or, threat, after Fuhrer Brandon’s speech last night.

      • Don escaped Texas

        Laphroaig

      • Ted S.

        Comment on a post at Glibertarians?

    • Ownbestenemy

      If ya need a zoom let me know..I can carry it

    • Ownbestenemy

      Zoom maybe this works I don’t know…

      • Ownbestenemy

        Can we get edit fairy to change my ling to the one that Hype linked?

    • The Hyperbole

      Here’s the link Neph left in the early post, seems to work, all the nerds are there.

  4. Shiny Nerfherder

    After much prodding from the spousal unit, I have shaved.

    The wife’s reaction: “It’s like you have a little butt on your chin !”

    • Tundra

      I grew my first beard when we moved out here. I told my wife it’s a state law.

      I don’t love it, but now I feel like I need to torture her!

  5. Tundra

    Thank you.

    But seaman really isn’t your thing. Space jizz, maybe.

    • Shiny Nerfherder

      Hey, when did you switch to Frank Frazetta?

      • Tundra

        This week. Saw it on another site and it kind of fit my mood!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Am I going to see you at Honey Harvest?

      • Tundra

        Possibly. I’m trying to schedule a trip through there. Things are weird right now.

        But I do need to make a swing through the midwest.

        I’m so glad you are going! Other than Jimbo, the people are so amazing.

        (Kidding. Jimbo is actually one of my favorite freaks!)

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’ve done two bucket list Adventures this year and this will be my third so I’m kind of happy about that, hope to see you Tundra

      • Tundra

        So happy that you are going. I’ve made no secret of the fact that Fourscore is my hero.

        I don’t think I mentioned it, but after I missed last year, I received a jar of Minnesota’s Finest in my mailbox. Made my (our) month!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Agreed four X is totally my hero I love old Smart Guys

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Im hoping to do some mead

      • Tundra

        kinnath is a great guy but even a better brewer!

      • kinnath

        There will be mead.

      • Swiss Servator

        *cries* I need to see my predecessor – MAJ 4×20…

      • Tundra

        Dammit.

        I just responded.

      • Swiss Servator

        I …can’t make it. 4X20 BETTER BE THERE NEXT HH!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        That’s a damn big reason why I’m going this year

      • Tundra

        He will.

        He’ll tell funny stories at my funeral.

      • Fourscore

        I just bought some new equipment, only way to amortize it out is to keep using it…We’re going to move bees on the 10th so we’ll be mostly honey bee free on the 18th.

        This looks like a great get together this year. I had a reunion with my class mates today, 4 couples, 7 widow ladies, most are going show up again in a couple weeks.

        It’ll be good to see the old guys/gals and super to meet the new guys and ladies.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Can I buy you a case of mason jars?
        They are always useful

      • Fourscore

        We’re good on mason jars this year, Kinnath brought a bunch last year and the locals decided to return the ones they were hoarding.
        Thanks anyway, your presence will be welcome and that’s the important thing. Glibs need Glibs, no homo.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’m there buddy

  6. Ownbestenemy

    Bob you see my message about hiring?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      No, where can I find it?

  7. Brochettaward

    Sometimes, I think it is my job as The First Of All Firsters to bring the Firstness out of you all. But some days, I question if that is even possible.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Kind of late to the party douche nozzle

      • Brochettaward

        Like, I ask The Great Firster daily…Great Firster, what am I to do with someone like Yusef? He will never be First. Even the greatest craftsman needs some material to work with.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Dude I built stuff you can’t even imagine try again

    • Rebel Scum

      You don’t want to be first at everything. First to “finish”, for instance.

    • rhywun

      The BofA execs just have those sweet, sweet social justice points in mind.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      No down payments, no closing costs, and credit scores aren’t used. Poor whites and Asians need not apply.

      • rhywun

        Poor whites and Asians need not apply.

        They can count themselves lucky.

      • Brochettaward

        I mean, there are reasons that the traditional measures of a borrowers ability to pay back a loan exist. If there isn’t a reason that they exist, than obviously the banks should just do away with them entirely, right?

        We’ve been down this road before in an attempt to juice the home ownership numbers for minorities and poors. It didn’t end well.

      • rhywun

        See also: college admissions.

        Whee! It’s fun to repeat the same failed policies over and over, wrecking untold lives in the process!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Didn’t end well for the people taking out the loans or the taxpayers who had to foot the bill. The banks were taken care of and they know they will be again if it comes to that. For them this is a risk without consequences and it’ll be interesting to see if this rotten practice spreads.

      • Grumbletarian

        Maybe they can buy them when the properties are foreclosed upon.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      White guys need not apply, welcome to equality.
      Shits gonna be bad if they keep this up.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        They will keep this up. It’s going to get worse actually.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I had to say it but I’m loaded and locked and ready to go

    • DrOtto

      The jokes on the would-be homeowners, they need a picture ID for the loan process and everybody knows minorities aren’t smart enough to know how to get a picture ID.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Minorities? You mean poor white folks like me?
        Hahahaha!

      • DrOtto

        You vote the wrong way, you need a picture ID.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Technically, they’re not offering based on the applicants’ race or ethnicity.

      will be available in designated markets, including certain Black/African American and/or Hispanic-Latino neighborhoods in Charlotte, Dallas, Detroit, Los Angeles and Miami.

      Cue future outrage that it was used to support gentrification and push out existing [black or hispanic] families.

    • Shiny Nerfherder

      So is Fannie Mae fully on board with this?

      I crack myself up.

    • robodruid

      eh…. indirect water reuse has been a thing in some places for a while. Direct reuse as well.
      Its not the bacteria/virus load i would worry about, its the pharmaceuticals. GAC/Flocculation will never touch them.

    • Brochettaward

      When I hear the word sustainability, I reach for my gun…

  8. Lachowsky

    Any glibs still up and willing to give me a simple answer to a complex problem i have?

    • db

      how about a snarky answer?

      • Lachowsky

        Might be just as well, honestly.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Snappy answers to stupid questions.

        /grew up on mad

      • Gustave Lytton

        And now I feel like the horses ass after reading the actual question. Sorry Lach, beyond my skill set but wish your brother the best that he will figure it out.

      • Lachowsky

        No worries gustave. Thanks.

      • rhywun

        Living up to your name…

      • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

        Missed it by 30.

    • Brochettaward

      If the question is how to be First, I am always available. I don’t see why you would bother to ask any other question.

  9. Brochettaward

    Just started to hate watch The Rings of Power, despite all the advice not to do so. Though, I just downloaded the shit and didn’t give Amazon any revenue, so I don’t know if that really counts.

    About 15 minutes in…yea, it’s shit so far. And already completely craps over what I know of Tolkien’s established lore. And I’m just getting to the proto-hobbits.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      How off the rails is it? Are there Game of Thrones type sex scenes only with Hobbits?

      • Brochettaward

        I’m very early into it, but so far I would just describe it as milquetoast, corny, and lazy. Only a few glimpses of girl power from Galadriel so far, but I’m sure that shit will be caked on thick the deeper into the series I get…if I can stomach it.

      • Brochettaward

        Near the end of the first episode, and we have cleavage! The black elf has a human love interest who wears overalls with apparently nothing underneath.

  10. grrizzly

    Serena, you cost me several thousands of dollars. I was seriously thinking about selling my ticket for the Sunday evening session for big bucks.

    • rhywun

      Oh good, she’s out. They’re going to have to fill every minute with chit-chit about Rafa! now.

    • Shpip

      To be honest, after she beat the 2 seed, I entertained the thought that the fix was in — everyone would tank to let Serena go out on top. Glad to have been disabused of that notion.

      It wasn’t quite Jimmy Connors’ run at the ’91 Open, but it’ll have both people who are interested in women’s tennis talking until Sunday or so.

  11. Lachowsky

    Here goes,

    My little brother, who i am insanely close with, has managed to acquire himself an opoid pill problem. He is a successful engineer, iraq war vet, currently employed, not in financial trouble, bit has managed to alienate his wife of less than 2 years and im scared to death that he is going to end up dead. He has already beem taken to the hospital 3 times in the past year for opoid overdoses.

    He swears he has it under control, and he is partially correct. He has kept his good paying job, paid all his bills, and maintained all his relationships, except for the one with his wife. He is essentially, a high functioning opoid addict. And maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if there were safe legal opoids out there that he coukd manage his addiction through. Unfortunantly, that aint the world we live in, and since it aint im scared to death zach is gonna end up dead before he sees the light and knocks this shit off.

    There probably ain’t a good way to solve this, but i like you guys and i know that any advice will eother be in jest, or valuable. Thanks.

    • Brochettaward

      The people I know who had serious addiction problems only got their shit together when they had too. When there were consequences for their behavior that they weren’t willing to face, and often times death doesn’t qualify as much as people close to the addict may wish it did. Threats of people leaving, or even losing a job may not even be enough. It depends on the individual and what they value, what scares them. Sometimes, the threat of being locked up in a cage can do it. Sometimes not. Maybe the wife leaving until he gets his shit together will do it.

      So, they don’t necessarily have to hit rock bottom, but they need a come to Jesus moment, so to speak. That is my experience with addiction.

      Talking with them rarely does the trick no matter how sincere or rational or how much guilt you throw at them.

      • Brochettaward

        Anyone who figures out the secret to curing addiction is going to be a very wealthy individual, frankly. It hasn’t happened yet despite no shortage of effort. I think the realistic answer is that it really depends on the individual.

      • Lachowsky

        I have mostly the same experience. It has to be something that makes one feel so shitty about themselves that they have to change to be able live woth themselves.

        In my own foray into the wild and wonderful of crystal meth iny late teens, all it took was a girl i was fucking to tell me ahe wouldnt fuck me no more for me to see the light. It will obviously take much more for my brother, bit i wish it wasnt that way. He is a hell of a guy.

      • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

        Does he have kids? The reality of losing them, and I mean all access to any of them, might, might be enough. But, Opioids are the mother of all addictions.

        I am truly sorry to hear this. An old friend of mine from HS OD’d in SF’s tenderloin a few months back, leaving behind at least one kid.

      • Lachowsky

        I wish he did. And the damn reason he doesn’t is because of this opoid problem. He is 33 and his wofe is only 25. They got married planning on squirting out a bunch of babies like me and the rest of his 5 siblings, but since a year or so ago his wife has been unwilling to get pregnant because of his opoid problem. She moved out a month ago because she wants kids and doesnt feel like ahe can do ot with him.

        Shitty thing is, he wants kids too, and im pretty sure that if the kids woyld have come first chronologically, then the opoid thing wouod have never turnes into what it is now.

      • Don escaped Texas

        women are sitting on all the power in the world: I blame them for gangbanging, dope dealing, and manbuns….mostly the manbuns…bitches could fix that shit

    • rhywun

      I kicked a bad coke habit cold turkey but it cost me my best friend. I considered it a fair trade.

      As I have mentioned before, opioids make me violently ill so I managed to avoid that trap. At least one person close to me was not so fortunate.

      Shit… good luck, Lach.

      • Lachowsky

        Id call that a fair trade. I have lost a ton of friends over the years over ahit like this.

    • KSuellington

      Sorry to hear Lach. My youngest brother died three years ago last week at age 30 from opiates. He started on oxy and Vicodin pills in college and it just got worse and worse. We got him to go to rehab on three occasions after major fuckups, including a ten month stint in jail, but it never took for very long. I didn’t really see him for the last year of his life because we all cut off contact as he wouldn’t stop using. Right now, I am going through something similar with a great friend of more than 30 years, who is now in his late 40’s. His addiction is alcohol. He just ended up in the hospital for the last three weeks because of a seizure he had and then subsequent DTs and serious liver damage. I’ve been to see him three times in the hospital and was pestering him to go straight to a rehab when they let him out in a few days. He missed his youngest kid’s 4th birthday in an induced coma. Even after all that, he still believes he can control his boozing, no rehab for him.

      I know this is not a cheery sort of advice. But really there is not all that much you can do aside from protecting yourself and your family from his actions. Sure, you can (and probably should) pester him with how he needs to get off the junk, but like Bro said, he needs his come to Jesus moment. Be there for him when he gets there. Sorry.

      • Lachowsky

        Thanks k suell. Thats bleak commentary, bit warrented. Warranted because it is true. I hope that there is something better for brother ahead, bit man, there might not be. And that sucks.

        I grieve for your younger brother.

    • Q Continuum

      I wish I knew. My cousin has burned through two marriages and three kids because he can’t stop the sauce. At the end of the day, he loves the booze more than anything on Earth, including his family. Sorry I don’t have any words of wisdom beyond the cliched “you can’t force someone to get help if they don’t want it”. Whatever it takes to kick that junk, it has to come from inside.

      Best of luck to you and him.

      • Lachowsky

        Whatever it takes to kick that junk, it has to come from inside…

        True. And one day you will be done with titties.

    • Tundra

      I’m so sorry, Lach.

      Like the others have said, getting someone to make the change is almost always internal. If he is comfortable with his situation, that’s a motherfucker.

      My experience has been that people know they are fucking up, but it takes some serious drama to get them off the path.

      Who does he love the most?

      • Lachowsky

        Good question.

        Me
        Dad
        His twin brother

        I think thats right.
        Myself and his twin have jumped his ass several times. Neither of us habe the heart to sick dad on him. That might be the right thing to do, bit hell. Dad is slowly dying of cancer. I aint and neither is luke pitting that on him. Maybe we should, bit i dont think so.

      • Tundra

        Yeah, I agree that Dad may not be the answer exactly.

        However, Dad dying with a junkie son just might be. I’m getting old and knowing that my kids are OK is way bigger than anything else.

        I kind of hate using guilt, but only just.

        I only know you, but it’s pretty clear you got some good training, I’m assuming that carries across. Maybe it’s time to bring the kid into the family mission. Dad is dying. You all need to step up.

        Would that resonate?

      • Lachowsky

        It would. And it has. All 5 of us have been in overdrive caring for dad. We all pitch in where we can, and zach has done fine job, when pitching in. He just happens to be a functioning opiod addict, that can step up and do whats needed of him when its needed. That hides the real problem.

        Thanks tundra. I jabe always enjoued your commentary. Id love to hit you up IRL. My handle with a k infront of it @gmail.com.

  12. Tres Cool

    Im off to work
    Leave a light on.

  13. Shpip

    The volleyball player from Duke is getting a lot of mileage from her little hate hoax.

    South Carolina and women’s basketball coach Dawn Staley have canceled a home-and-home series with BYU over a recent incident where a Duke volleyball player said a Cougars fan yelled racial slurs at her.

    Grudging kudos to ESPN in this case for reporting that the chick claimed she had slurs directed at her instead of repeating her assertions as fact.

    • Shiny Nerfherder

      Duke sucks

  14. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody yo

    • Timeloose

      Sup. Good morning.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey, ‘loosey, Shiny (you clean up pretty good!) and Ted’S! (And anyone lurking upthread)

      Already warm enough here at Tranq Base that I took off my hoodie. Hearing lots of cicadas, though I don’t think this is an “infestation” year. (I hope not!) Looking forward to a pleasant weekend (including our last minor league game of the season Sunday afternoon.)

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Jeez, I just turned on the heater in my van, what is it, like 80 down there?

      • Gender Traitor

        Not yet. 72 according one of the local weather goddesses. And allegedly foggy, though I don’t see any here.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It’s been really thick here the last few days, kind of like walking through warm mayonnaise

      • Gender Traitor

        😖 I guess that’s what you get for being right on a big ol’ lake.

      • Timeloose

        It’s a nice 60deg here. Expected to be low 80’s. Fabulous end of summer day. Just got the brisket on the kettle grill for dinner. I’m up in the mountains this weekend with another couple. We’ve been doing Labor Day together for over 10 years.

      • Gender Traitor

        Sounds delightful! We used to throw a Labor Day weekend-long jam session out at TT’s family’s “country place” in the “kneehills” of the Mozarks every year for about ten years. Invited our friends, but then they started inviting THEIR friends, and it got a bit too big to be more fun than work, so we wrapped it up, and his family has since sold the place. Glad you have a pleasant place for a holiday retreat!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Heh, I’m bringing Blackie to work today going to continue working up my version of When I’m 64
        / Blackie is my acoustic Kramer/ Ferrington