“I did it!” Joe hollered from the bathroom. “I got that bastard!”
Karine and Finnegan had been waiting for him to get finished with his third morning toilet break, the grunts and squeaks coming through the reinforced door all too clearly.
Joe came out of the bathroom in undershirt and boxers, barefoot, his pale feet covered in sores. “I did it,” he repeated to the women.
Finnegan sighed heavily and walked into the bathroom to flush the toilet.
“What did you do, Mr. President?” Karine asked gently.
“I killed Osama bin Laden!” Joe crowed. He flashed his toilet phone at her. Past the glare of giant green buttons, she saw Ayman al-Zawahiri on the screen.
“Yes, sir,” she said. “He’s dead alright.” Karine remembered watching Joe snoring in the Situation Room during the mission. “We got him with a R9X Hellfire missile.”
“Missile? Too impersonal. I got him with a knife! Silent-but-deadly style!” Joe slashed the air with the phone and ki-yahed and hi-yahed like in the movies.
“Knife karate!” Joe yelled.
“No knife karate in The Oval Office!” Finnegan said sternly from the bathroom door.
“Watch him,” she told Karine as she left the room, “I have to go find an accordion plunger.”
“Knife karate!” Joe whispered fiercely and made slashing motions at her back.
“Mr. President,” Karine called.
“Mr. President!” Joe said, standing up as straight as he could, shaking with the effort.
Karine tried again. “Joe, why don’t you help me put this jigsaw puzzle together?”
“I love jigsaw puzzles.” he mumbled.
“I know. Come help me with this one.”
“OK,” he said, dropping his phone and shambling over.
“I am very good with puzzles,” he said, sitting beside her on the couch. “I do them really fast.” She knew he had been working on this particular puzzle for a month.
“500 pieces is a really big puzzle,” she said, handing him a piece of the unicorn’s lower body.
Joe took the piece but continued to hold on to her hand for a long moment.
“You’ve gotten a really nice tan this summer, Jill,” he said. “I told you Hawaiian Tropic was good for other things as well.”
She snatched her hand from his and moved away on the couch.
“A nice St. Tropez sort of tan,” Joe said, moving closer, producing a “pfft” of loose farts with every shift of his artificial hips.
Joe fell sideways on Karine and tried to fit his hand into her blouse. She froze as he burrowed his face into her neck.
“You smell like cocoa butter,” he said. “The kids are out for the night.”
Joe reached down and began to squeeze his scrotum roughly. “This thing takes a minute to inflate,” he said seductively. Karine watched in lesbian horror as the front of his boxers began to tent.
“M-M-M-Mr. President…” she began.
“See? I told them it was just a stutter,” Joe said, the tumescent head of his penis beginning to appear through his fly as he pumped away.
“It’s been so long, Jill…” he murmured. “Let me stab your terrorist.”
producing a “pfft” of loose farts with every shift of his artificial hips
Gah, I can almost hear that….damn you, SugarFree!
That was the line that got me too!!
“This thing takes a minute to inflate” is my new pickup line.
“Let me stab your terrorist” will be mine.
With a bonus for killing the #2 in %terrorist group of the day%?
Is that a euphemism for anal?
If not, then it should be.
No!
Yeah, I didn’t need that line either…
That was the best part!
They call him Goldmember for a reason.
This os why SugarFree needs to be nominated for the Nobel prize in Literature.
Hey, if they’ll give it to “Bob Dylan”, “SugarFree” should also be eligible, right, Mr. Zimmerman?
Now, I have the image of Old Joe using his own scrote as a speedbag in my mind.
Thanks a bunch.
The appetite killer we’ve been expecting.
BY STAB TERRORIST MEAN…
Knife Karate
What is wrong with you, SF?
Whatever it is, I hope you don’t recover.
lesbian horror
Joe’s new nickname.
Holy shit, that ending had me laughing like an insane person!
I thought it would be safe to eat some nice, easy-on-the-tummy apple cinnamon oatmeal before reading this.
You know, you don’t have to read them at lunch time.
That was breakfast.
I think it’s going to be a while before lunch enters the realm of possibility.
Wednesday is a traditional Catholic day of fasting, clearly SF is Catholic.
Like Joe.
I… uh…. *retch*
Huzzah!
cref diagram #78
Dare I ask what this means?
“Watch him,” she told Karine as she left the room, “I have to go find an accordion plunger.”
At least they have one.
“You’ve gotten a really nice tan this summer, Jill,” he said. “I told you Hawaiian Tropic was good for other things as well.”
Heh.
Joe reached down and began to squeeze his scrotum roughly. “This thing takes a minute to inflate,”
Penile implant instead of Viagra/Cialis?
I missed this feature.
My vote:
Ref. [78], sample Feynman diagrams illustrating the effects of the Higgs trilinear selfcoupling on single Higgs process at next-to-leading order.
But:
I’m guessing an error?
I was going to add an exploded diagram of a penile implant and forgot. Still recovering from this weekend.
https://www.coloradouro.com/conditions/erectile-dysfunction-ed/treatments-for-erectile-dysfunction/penile-prostheses-erectile-dysfunction-treatment/
Is there a lot of overlap with your run-of-the-mill inflatable dildo?
Release the valve inside the scrotum is the name of my next album.
Very early Pink Floyd with a little bit of Too Short thrown in.
Syd was pure genius, and insanity.
I was thinking Lesbian Horror. I
*uncomfortably shifts in chair*
I read that as *uncomfortably shits in chair* and didn’t think anything of it. SF has groomed me.
Definitely not prehensile.
Relevant
{facial expression screws up into an appalled sneer}
Christ on the cross, I’d rather be impotent.
Much rather.
I’m picturing something like the old Reebok pump shoes.
You weren’t far off.
I’m both proud and terrified.
Dear Diary,
I just read Sugar Free’s contribution, you know, on Glibs. I have led a sheltered life but you can’t believe the education I’m getting now.
Thanks to SF my horizons are broadening.
“Let me stab your terrorist” reminds me too much of “Let me graze into your veldt/let me stomple your albino”.
“I’m your LOVE RHINO!!!”
All hail President Rhino!
Magnificent. Thank you for always introducing me to new music!
Let me hibernate in your cave of love.
Hawt.
I’m feeling like this is what I have to look forward to if I ever get laid again
Lower your standards enough and I can be available!
You might need to run that by Jugsy first.
There’s plenty of room in the Palatial 2X Wide™️
He might need to run it by me first 🙄
You were asked to lower your standards. Like, all the way down.
I think he just did 🙂
My favorite line:
“Mr. President!” Joe said, standing up as straight as he could, shaking with the effort.”
Where’s Barry?
Joe learned all of his knife skills from Cornpop later when they became good buddies.
“Missile? Too impersonal. I got him with a knife! Silent-but-deadly style!”
Yeah, I thought Joe was going to say he killed Zawahiri with a pool chain.
Shame on whoever told SP’s sister that she should check out the site on Wednesday. Amy, we apologize.
Who would do something like that?!
Must’ve been one of them Jasons.
are they like Chads?
Members of 4chan?
Depraved reprobate, most likely.
You know how little that narrows it down?
We tried to discourage her after hearing her say this. I wonder if she was messing with us?
I think Wednesdays are the perfect entry point. Gets the shock and horror out of the way and establishes a deviant baseline.
I’m very thankful to have met many Glibs this past weekend. Now I get to imagine faces and voices when I read their comments. But SF will still be like a young Jack Nicholson dressed like Antifa in my mind.
In my mind, SF will always look like this.
I do Nazi it.
Hanover Public Schools issued an official apology Wednesday after printing T-shirts with a logo that resembled a swastika and distributing them to staff at a professional development conference.
“We are deeply sorry for this mistake and for the emotions that the logo has evoked by its semblance to a swastika,” Superintendent Michael Gill wrote in an apology. “We condemn anything associated with the Nazi regime in the strongest manner possible.”
Gill wrote that he believed the shirt design was “created without any ill-intent” by a teacher, and that the logo was intended to “represent four hands and arms grasping together” as a symbol of unity.
Anything? That’s not fair. They had style. And the trains ran on time.
RESEMBLING? Maybe if I squint out of my half-blind eye?
Although, the public schools are an object lesson in the banality of evil.
I’d just complain about the lousy graphic design. I think I’d have to consume some drugs in order to get the swastika bs.
In keeping up with the Wednesday theme….it looks like 4 people eating ass
The fact that both you and Brooks went there just shows how far SF has twisted us.
You can add Fatty Bolger to that list. We just have the radical candor to say what you all are thinking
HM applauds.
Looks more like an orgy than a swastika to me.
Oh hey look, our school district.
Gill is a useless shite. He doesn’t seem to push much of the equity bullshit himself, but he certainly is always eager to surrender to it at the slightest pressure.
Wait, what? You’re one county over from me?
Apparently? We moved up from Henrico last year.
Oops, wrong Hanover – I assumed incorrectly PA.
Ah, no, this story is Hanover VA.
So one over from me.
You’re next to Hanover? I thought you were out in Galax.
*looks up*
derp
That’s our getaway.
It looks like a foot fetish group orgy.
So they don’t drive VWs?
So anything with enough right angles is now Nazi-adjacent.
SMOD, hear my prayer.
They’re just trying to avoid the Hounds.
It is easier to see on the shirts
Wow. That’s not a swastika but it is stupidly reminiscent of one.
We got an internal email condemning acts of racial hate and harassment. Apparently there have been a couple of reports of ropes with one end tied into a loop.
On our active construction sites.
I think you have to be eager to find racism to see it in handy slipknots.
I had a plushie hanging from an actual noose in my barracks room. The battalion sergeant major, who was black, left a not following an inspection that he counted the loops to verify I had the correct number.
Actually found a photo https://i.imgur.com/ujC0EmW.jpg
Roger Rabbit? Tia Carrere poster?
That’s awesome.
They really need to learn how to do it:
https://imgflip.com/i/595dzz
Seems appropriate.
Dude in England got arrested for posting that, allegedly.
(To be clear: he allegedly got arrested for posting that)
It wouldn’t be surprising if it’s true.
TW: Daily Fail
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11066477/Veteran-arrested-causing-anxiety-retweeting-meme-swastika-Pride-flags.html
https://cnsnews.com/article/international/micky-wootten/british-veteran-arrested-causing-anxiety-displaying-lgbt-flags
I learn many things here.
Many things I did not even realize I never wanted to know.
Man, this is relevant
Hanover Public Schools issued an official apology Wednesday after printing T-shirts with a logo that resembled a swastika and distributing them to staff at a professional development conference.
It’s swastikas, all the way down.
Swastika? that looks more like a human centipede invitation.
They aren’t mutually exclusive.
Elderly California store owner who shot would-be robber speaks out: ‘I did a lot of hunting when I was a kid’
Cope also told CBS LA that he thinks “more people should vote and vote the right way, and I think the politicians… this isn’t going to get me on the right side of a lot of people, but there’s a whole lotta people out there, they got no clue what it’s like to try to run a small business.
https://www.foxnews.com/us/elderly-california-store-owner-shot-would-be-robber-speaks-out-did-hunting-when-kid
I still want to know whether or not the robber lost the arm, or if the “He shot my arm off” was hyperbole born of pain.
Official retribution in 3, 2, 1…
I was impressed by how fast he got his shot off. Aim wasn’t the greatest, but it did the job.
From the article he saw the car parked in an abnormal way and people moving outside and weird ways.
I’m guessing he was expecting something as soon as they enter and mentally and physically preparing.
The 80-year-old California liquor store owner caught on video opening fire at a would-be robber with a shotgun is now speaking out, saying “I did a lot of hunting when I was a little kid.”
A headline I saw earlier said AR-15. Shotguns aren’t terrifying enough? Wait ’til the media finds out shotguns shoot multiple projectiles ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!
But Biden said we should fire shotguns to scare off intruders.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-mztxHgYQo
I think that oneof the assholes trying to rob him had an AR. Didn’t do him much good.
One round on target does a lot more good than a hundred blowing holes in the air.
#4 buck is a great shell. 24 balls roughly the size of an AR round moving at 1300 feet per second. The ultimate “get off my lawn” shell.
What’s in your scattergun?
A few years back I bought a bunch of Federal 2 3/4″ 12 gauge mil-spec 00 buck loads – they are even olive drab. I keep my “handy” shotgun stuffed with those. Then again I’m more likely to have troubles with critters than people.
Agree on #4 for most such purposes, though.
RC Dean, did they discuss ammo selection when you did your shotgun course at Front Sight?
No. It was more or less assumed your duty round would be 00. Most of the shooting was with #7 or #8, to save money and your shoulder.
00 Federal Flite Control (they really do keep a tight group). Got some of the 8 pellet shells, to prevent the flyer.
I am thinking seriously about going with #4 buck, though. I’ll have to get a box and see how they pattern.
I recently switched from 00 to #4 because the 00 just seemed way too powerful for home defense application. I still need to pattern some and see what choke will work best at home defense range. I’m willing to bet a cylinder choke will still put them all in a chest sized target from one end of the house to the other, but I need to confirm.
I have a mix of #1 and #4 for uninvited guests. I might even try to pattern some heavy turkey shot when I have a chance. The houses in our new neighborhood are too close together to blast anything heavier.
Appropriate Dave Chappelle. (Language NSFW)
Federal Lawman 00 buck low recoil
Federal LE133 – Flite Control 8-pellet 00 buck.
#4 Buck is really right on the edge of sufficient penetration on a human. https://www.luckygunner.com/lounge/stuff-you-should-know-about-buckshot-part-1/
Federal LE133 – Flite Control 8-pellet 00 buck.
That’s the stuff. I think you put me onto it when it finally reappeared on the market.
Shotshell comparison Slow Motion
https://youtu.be/rhZf_x8Esms
I wish they has a turkey shot in the mix.
Paul Harrel did a pair of videos on using 000 Buck versus #3 Buck for home defense. Two conclusions:
000 is capable of penetrating an interior wall followed by an exterior wall with enough energy to blow up a Shasta bottle. #3 Bucks penetrated the interior wall and is caught up in the sheathing of the exterior wall.
000 Buck shreds the meat target. #3 buck will shatter ribs on the way in; shred the lungs; and some will break ribs on the way on. 20 pellets of 3# Buck will do the job just fine. #4 Buck should be similar. I have both #3 and #4 in inventory.
Whatever you do, don’t tell those quivering mopes at Hanover Public Schools about the Isle of Man.
Or any Buddhist temple in Japan.
https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/japan-may-change-temple-map-icon-to-avoid-nazi-confusion-1.2765849
“Why should I change, he’s the one who sucks.”
Japan isn’t full of Nazi temples?
Best part is that how they are marked on Google Maps.
Google purchases data from domestic sources which can be frustrating. Until recently all the streets and places were in Japanese characters instead or either Romanized letters or their phonetic Japanese syllabary (hiragana / katakana). I can only read maybe a third of them at best. PITA.
Roughly 2 or 3 years ago they finally added Romanized names.
At one time I could decode katakana. That you can decode any kanji is an accomplishment.
Just brute force memorization.
It took me six months to learn hiragana and katakana fully. According to YouTube that should have taken me only a a week or two.
Language learning on YouTube is truly the wild west.
Wasn’t Hitler a vegetarian?
Makes sense. Have you ever met a vegetarian that wasn’t obsessed with telling everyone else how they need to live? They also tend to have really dumb facial hair.
*steps out of the way of the VeggieGlibs*
(I think our vegetarian Glibs are outliers. And have magnificent facial hair.)
Thanks but I’m clean-shaven.
Vegetarians aren’t bad. Vegans can’t stop talking about their diet and how everyone else should join them.
Some vegans can’t shut up about it. The ones who can, you never notice.
So, you’re saying they are like Crossfit junkies?
Elsewhere in Richmond metro news…..you all may remember when, last month, the Richmond police breathless announced that they had stopped a planned mass shooting at a Fourth of July program. There was much brandishing of photos of weapons, etc, and much fulsome praise for the Richmond police. It made national news. The more-corrupt-than-the-Bidens mayor Levar Stoney got his face on TV quite a bit too.
Come time to arraign these miscreants and…..well, there was a slight hiccup:
This exchange is priceless:
And potentially counsel, you could get a boot to the head.
I suppose he was referring to possession of a firearm as the evidence to support the potential for a shooting.
Undoubtedly. Which is fine, except for the fact that the chief and mayor flapped their gums about how so many lives were saved from this planned mass shooting.
That’s most of Richmond these days.
Feckless.
A historian appointed to the Virginia Board of Historic Resources by Gov. Glenn Youngkin has resigned from the board following controversial comments she made about Confederate statues, the Civil War and slavery.
Ann McLean, a historian in Richmond and former head of a Christian school, was picked by Youngkin in July to join the board. In a radio interview last year, McLean defended Confederate statues’ place in Virginia and criticized the efforts to bring them down.
She actually did not say anything controversial. But anything less than “ZOMG MUH-SLAVERYISMS” will not be tolerated.
Controversial to the right sorts of people is all that counts.
Silent-but-deadly style!
The only things silent but deadly about Joe are his farts.
This is fantastic. Guy calls cops on ATF agent. Hilarity ensues.
https://c.tenor.com/HHzUxhwSW_AAAAAC/hamster-wheel.gif
Guy calls cops on ATF agent. Agent gets tased and cuffed.
No idea why this isn’t working
https://twitter.com/capeandcowell/status/1553709678089146368?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1553709678089146368%7Ctwgr%5Edcaa4d386850496ea946cd23f0301c80f26c47df%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fdirectorblue.blogspot.com%2F2022%2F08%2Ftop-20-tweets-tonight-visiting-circle-k.html
Worth the effort!
Yeah, too good not to share!
Someone show me Nancy Pelosis floppy tits
He is damn lucky they didn’t put two in his chest
Non video
https://www.buckeyefirearms.org/atf-agent-sues-columbus-police-over-armed-confrontationtazing-incident
Lol…maybe next time inform local police
Or you know, COMPLY! like you expect the plebes to.
Pfft, what’s the point of being one of the King’s Men if you have to follow the rules you enforce on others?
So much this.
Sure, fed. Sue for getting treated like what you are – a “citizen” like any other citizen. He didn’t comply, he resisted (under current standards for both). If I was the local po-po, I’d have him charged.
For you jury-dodgers, sure you’d want to skip that trial?
Indeed, he was no-shit struggling with the officers.
When “Don’t you know who I am?!” goes wrong…
(or right, really)
Deja Vu
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0453467/
I just got a stiffie from that.
Local cops are (maybe…) going to have to pick sides at some point.
That ATF agent is about to get schooled in qualified immunity.
Third time the charm WTF?
The Bee gives some love to Ted S.
The Bee gives some love to Ted S.
Everybody loves me!
OH MY.
I was super busy all day but this was worth the wait.