Florida Man Special Monday Afternoon Links!

by | Aug 8, 2022 | Daily Links | 265 comments

Hello and good afternoon. It’s wonderful madness at the L compound this week. School starts Wednesday, and even today, I’m taken even money bets on whether I will have 4,3, or 2 sons who survive until school starts. Mama is grumpy, and the older boys are too damn thick to know to run away and lay low. I guess Nature will solve that problem one way or another. It’s meet the teacher night at school so, I’ve also been threate, errr, had the outcome Mrs. L wants carefully explained to me. Second son has the same first grade teacher as his older brother. Why anyone would choose to have another one of my sons in their class, I don’t know. Maybe she used up all her strikes on even less appealing choices.

It’s a lot easier to beat someone up when he’s being held. (Audio is NSFW)

I don’t know if this is necessary, but using a laser to make coffee? Sounds like the future I want to live in.

Hmm, first private astronaut EVA supposedly coming in December. I wonder how the FAA will deny astronaut wings to these folks.

News that may be useful to Glibs Zoom callers.

Good song, cool place to play it.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

265 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    I have had many people ask me what happens to Firsting when I am retired or no longer in this realm. I have long been at work putting together my autobiographies, and novels that will guide the next generation of Firsters who will, Great Firster willing, take the craft to new heights. My disciples will spread far and wide. But these works can only be given to the world posthumously. A First In The Night is my fourth work. I may share some snippets of it in audio form for the Glibertariat, though I have not yet decided.

  2. Pat

    It’s a lot easier to beat someone up when he’s being held.

    America has a long way to go to catch up to the Euros in the field of sports hooliganism.

  3. Pat

    I hate to break etiquette by posting a link before 30 minutes have elapsed, but I have to go in just a little while. Olivia Newton-John is dead

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Ouch RIP

    • Chafed

      Cue Ted’S. I await an awful, ancient link. Xanadu perhaps?

      • slumbrew

        Cue Ted’S. I await an awful, ancient link. Xanadu perhaps?

        FIFY, now you can use it again and again and again.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Couldn’t escape if I wanted to.

        Oh heck.

      • Ted S.

        You tried to hold me back but I was stronger.

      • Rat on a train

        Happy 42nd anniversary Xanadu.

      • Ted S.

        I think Ted was cued a couple of hours ago.

      • Zwak. And once again, the mall is his Waterloo

        They beat you with a stick?

      • R.J.

        Correct. You posted in the now deceased former post. I believe that makes you… first?

    • Ted S.

      You could have posted it in the previous article.

  4. DEG

    Researchers in Germany have created a laser-powered extraction system that pumps out cold-brew about 300 times faster than traditional methods. Arguably superior in flavor, aroma and caffeination, cold-brew coffee may soon be convenient too.

    Interesting.

    • Mustang

      Not sure there’s a lot of argument. Cold brew has it’s uses but I don’t find it to be superior to regular-brewed coffee, especially the aroma.

      • Chafed

        Mustang gets it.

      • Nephilium

        Temperature has that effect. Warmer things will have a stronger aroma then cold ones. But when it’s over 70 degrees outside, cold brew can be damned tasty.

      • Brawndo

        This is why I prefer cold. I don’t enjoy the taste of coffee, it’s just something I drink to get through the day.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “Laser brewed” coming to a Starbucks near you.

      • The Other Kevin

        At 3x the price of regular coffee.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Will it taste like ass, as well?

      • Ownbestenemy

        *paging HM to the brown courtesy phone*

    • Grosspatzer

      I’m with Mustang and Chafed WRT the relative merits of cold brew. But I think German researchers have more pressing issues to deal with. Like figuring out how to heat German homes this winter for starters.

  5. Count Potato

    “The researchers took a neodymium-doped yttrium aluminum garnet (Nd:YAG) laser, tuned to 532 nanometers, and created 125-picojoule pulses lasting just 10 picoseconds. They pulsed it through a solution of ground coffee mixed in with water, some 80,000 times per second, for three minutes”

    I bought a stainless steel kettle for $5 about 30 years ago. It even has a whistle that still works.

    • Tundra

      Lol.

      One of the places I stayed this week had a $300 Moccamaster coffee maker.

      My $29 Aeropress is better.

    • Chafed

      You’ll never get an NSF grant with that thing.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        $5/qt cold brew is ready and makes no mess.

  6. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    I work with idiots. Asking me the same question over and over again will not get you a different answer, especially when it’s something I don’t control. Go talk to the actual engineers and don’t expect me to engage in mathematical engineering to solve your problem. If you ask me that question one more time I’m gonna have to put a cap in your ass. Or maybe not, since that’s where your brain seems to be, and I don’t want to actually murder anyone.

    /rant over

    • UnCivilServant

      Are they actually asking for what they want, or for something they mistake for what they want?

      • juris imprudent

        It’s like you’ve worked with generals.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Are they actually asking for what they want, or for something they mistake for what they want?

      • Mustang

        What the…

      • Tundra

        Whoa.

      • SDF-7

        Finkel is Einhorn! Scruffy is UCS!

      • Mustang

        I’m too sober for this right now.

      • Ted S.

        Good excuse to start drinking.

      • Fourscore

        No way, Man, there’s only one UCS.

      • Ted S.

        Scruffy stole UCS’s posting gloves.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        I told you. Stop asking me the same question over and over again.

      • SDF-7

        Oh, by the way — are they actually asking for what they want, or for something they mistake for what they want?

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Dude, don’t make me reach for my revolver. https://youtu.be/PpTKcv-SmR0

      • Tres Cool

        That was exactly what I expected before I clicked.
        Thanks.

      • slumbrew

        Same same.

      • Rat on a train
      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        JR gets it.

      • The Other Kevin

        There’s a glitch in the tulpa!

      • Pat

        GPT-3 ain’t ready for primetime.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        It’s Tulpas all the way down.

  7. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    Is that the guy from Yellowstone singing that song?

    • Plisade

      If you really wanna know, go talk to the actual engineers.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    We call them croakers for a reason

    Kimbrough-Hilson’s family’s experience isn’t uncommon, according to a new poll by NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.

    Among households that had a serious illness in the past year, one in five respondents said they had trouble accessing care during the pandemic.

    That’s a “staggering” number of people unable to access care, says Mary Findling, the assistant director of the Harvard Opinion Research Program. “From a health and a good care standpoint, that’s just too high.”

    Other recent studies have found significant delays in cancer screenings, and disruptions in routine diabetes, pediatric and mental health care. While it’s still early to know the long-term impacts on people’s health, researchers and physicians are concerned, especially as the disruptions continue with the country’s health care system struggling to bounce back from the pandemic.

    Pompous blowhards don’t really give a shit about patients?

    You could knock me over with a feather.

    • R C Dean

      “Had trouble” =/= “unable”.

      The government reaction to the pandemic is responsible for most of that. Ask me how I know.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Howww diiiid youuuu knoww?

    • Grosspatzer

      American Health care, 1958:

      Call doctor. Doctor asks about symptoms. Cough and fever. Doctor makes house call.

      American Health Care, 2022:

      Call doctor. Doctor asks about symptoms. Cough and fever. “No office visit for you. Can you do telemed?”

      • Brawndo

        Seriously. I had a poison ivy rash that my doc had prescribed a cream for a year prior. I called to see if she could re up that prescription and she wanted me to do a tele health call. I said I don’t need to pay 200 dollars for you to confirm what I already know, and hung up. Dealt with it with OTC drugs.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Had to do a telemed call to get motion sickness prescription for wife. They were annoyed lol

      • Zwak. And once again, the mall is his Waterloo

        I had a post-surgery check not too long ago, but had covid at the time of the appointment. Called to reschedule, but had a major hassle doing that even when they said “call if you have covid.” Eventually, they agreed to telemed. The surgeon was annoyed, I was annoyed, and when he told me not to do anything for the next six weeks, my wife was annoyed.

        Telemed is the new house call.

      • Ownbestenemy

        For prescription refills, or ‘hey this bump looks weird?” Etc they are great

  9. Fourscore

    “Why anyone would choose to have another one of my sons in their class?”

    ‘Cause the other teachers have seniority? Puttin’ ya on, Brett L. It’s ’cause #1 son was so much fun or kids are assigned by lot, alphabetically or something or it’s an unexplainable mystery.

    “You’re not like your brother”. I heard that growing up

    • rhywun

      I did not attend any of the various schools my three older brothers attended, now that I think about it. They even went to three different high schools. They might have shared one or two elementary schools but that was before my time.

    • juris imprudent

      Ha – I avoided high school band because the band director had had my older brother. Oh no, I wasn’t going there.

      • Tundra

        I was the older brother. I still tell my siblings that I was the reason all the teachers loved them. Someone has to break the trail.

      • juris imprudent

        That band director hated my brother, I wasn’t going to subject myself to him.

    • Zwak. And once again, the mall is his Waterloo

      I got the “oh, your J—–‘s brother” excitedly. And after about two months I got, “you’re nothing like your brother.”

  10. Mustang

    I had my first post-military job interview today. I think I nailed it. Initial interviewer said I was “great” and is setting up a second interview to meet the facility HR, hiring manager, and one other person within a week. Really hope I can get all of this knocked out before I start my terminal leave.

    • Count Potato

      Go you!

    • DEG

      I hope it works out.

    • Tundra

      Good luck, Mustang!

    • Chafed

      👍 Keep us updated.

    • Grosspatzer

      Good luck!

    • juris imprudent

      So what’s it gonna be: pony tail, beard or pierced ear? Congrats on a flying start!

      • slumbrew

        Prince Albert.

      • Mustang

        Beard. Definitely beard.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I had an appearance fanatic as NCOIC at my last duty station so I was often subjected to weekly haircuts. As a bonus the Separation Station when I got out would not give me my papers without one more haircut at the on-base barber and that guy gave me a Basic Training “rainbow” head-shave. I swore that I was not going to cut my hair or beard after that.

        That promise lasted about three years. My curly hair became impossible to manage and I finally decided to cut it off. This was around the end of October so I made it into my Hallowe’en costume. I shaved my head and beard, put on a suit and tie, and carried a briefcase into the Hallowe’en party. Won first prize.

        Good luck, Mustang, enjoy civilian life.

    • MikeS

      Excellent! Go get ’em, tiger Mustang!

    • mindyourbusiness

      Fingers crossed for ya.

  11. Count Potato

    “A former Colorado police officer who did not stop another officer from being rough with a 73-year-old woman with dementia was sentenced Friday to 45 days in jail and three years of probation.

    Heartless Daria Jalali earlier pleaded guilty after the violent arrest of Karen Garner in Loveland, about 50 miles north of Denver, in June 2020. The officer was placed on leave in 2021.

    Former officer Austin Hopp arrested Garner after she left a store without paying for about $14 worth of items – including a candy bar, a can of Pepsi and a t-shirt.

    The callous officers were seen celebrating after leaving the disheveled woman suffer in a jail cell after snapping her arm while they cuffed her…

    Hopp was sentenced in May to five years in prison for his treatment of Garner. He had faced a mandatory prison sentence of between 10 and 32 years under an original, more serious assault charge”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11086137/Ex-officer-sentenced-rough-arrest-woman-dementia.html

    • Tonio

      Well, that’s something, at least. Would rather have had Hopp serve 10+ and Jalali serve at least a year plus a day (IIRC, the threshold for serving time in prison vs jail).

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      When your name is Heartless Daria, that kind of behavior is expected.

    • Chafed

      Maybe the wheel is starting to turn.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      There is no limit to how far they’ll take this.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Watch the mental gymnastics from “He peddles in misinformation and should not be believed” to “look at these texts! Believe them!”

  12. The Late P Brooks

    “I think that the toll of this delayed care is tremendous,” she says.

    I’d say it exposed grotesque incompetence on multiple levels.

  13. Tonio

    Okay, regarding the commenting weirdness. WebDom updated the site last night and we are now running WordPress 6.0.1. Previously we were running on WP 5.8,x. I think the comments are the last thing to be moved, reindexed, whatever and that could still be going on.

    • Count Potato

      So you’re not saying it was aliens?

      • Mustang

        He never said it wasn’t either!

      • KK the Ignorant Slut

        It was Trump and Alex Jones

    • Mustang

      So…Glibception?

      Doo doo doo ah ah ah ah dum dum dum doo doo doo (mysterious music noises)

      • Mustang

        Eh, close enough.

    • Brochettaward

      If my Firsts have been lost, do you know what sort of loss this would be? It is incomprehensible.

      • Ted S.

        You haven’t had any firsts to lose.

  14. KK the Ignorant Slut

    Not single one of you wished me godspeed as I went off to pay taxes. I don’t think you’re Real LibertariansTM

    • Ownbestenemy

      I just assumed you were going to turn in your “fuck off” remittance slip

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      We don’t want to get on the radar of those 80,000 new agents. But good luck.

    • Pat

      A Real Libertarian™ would have refused to pay, pamphleted the tax office, and been hauled off in handcuffs shouting at the top of their lungs “AM I BEING DETAINED?!?!”

    • Tonio

      I feel your pain.

    • slumbrew

      I assume you paid in pennies.

      • KK the Ignorant Slut

        Get this…they have to run your card twice – once for the tax bill and a 2nd time for the “convenience fee”. Because they use two different credit card processors. Of course.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Government…we can fuck up anything

      • The Other Kevin

        Government is the fuck ups we do together.

      • slumbrew

        Because of course.

      • Ownbestenemy

        “Favoritism”

        Any company in the world that made you do that would get laughed outta business but they don’t get to hold a gun to your head like our benevolent governments do

      • Rat on a train

        Paying taxes is one thing the government makes easy here. You don’t have to leave home. It’s not so easy when you want something from them.

    • Fourscore

      Were you wearing your Gadsden blouse?

      Did the IRS people get home safely?

      Have the 7K newbies started yet? My under standing is that they will all be security

      • Fourscore

        87K newbies

        Can I say that, the ‘N’ word

      • rhywun

        Are you the mayor of Hamtramck, Michigan?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Yeah, just feigning ignorance.

    • Grosspatzer

      Jane KK you ignorant….

      There are no real libertarians!

    • Ownbestenemy

      We are the dad that is trying to buy their step-kids love

    • rhywun

      I’m sure China is more than willing to “help”.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Be afraid

    After Amazon on Friday said it acquired iRobot, the company behind Roomba vacuums, data-privacy experts and antitrust researchers quickly raised alarm, saying the tech giant could use the purchase to vacuum up personal information from inside users’ homes.

    Advanced Roomba vacuums have internal mapping technology that learns the floor plan of a user’s home. The devices can also “adapt to and remember” up to 10 floor plans “so users can carry their robot to another floor or a separate home, where the robot will recognize its location and clean as instructed,” press releases by iRobot say. Some models have low-resolution cameras to avoid obstacles and aid in mapping.

    “People tend to think of Amazon as an online-seller company, but, really, Amazon is a surveillance company. That is the core of its business model, and that’s what drives its monopoly power and profit,” Evan Greer, the director of the nonprofit digital-rights-advocacy organization Fight for the Future, told Wired. “Amazon wants to have its hands everywhere, and acquiring a company that’s essentially built on mapping the inside of people’s homes seems like a natural extension of the surveillance reach that Amazon already has.”

    Ron Knox, a senior researcher and writer for the Institute for Local Self-Reliance — a nonprofit that gives tech assistance to community businesses — said in a series of tweets after the acquisition was announced that the $1.7 billion deal, the fourth-largest acquisition in Amazon’s portfolio, “may be the most dangerous, threatening acquisition in the company’s history.”

    Amazon will soon be doing murder for hire, by having your floorbot put roller skates at the top of your stairs.

    • Sean

      Will I get discounts with my Prime membership?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Only if you aren’t wearing panties

      • Sean

        😒

    • The Other Kevin

      I thought it was odd that my robot vacuum seemed to be watching me undress.

    • slumbrew

      You know who else has a floorplan of your house? Every registry of deeds.

      • slumbrew

        (I say that but maybe that’s only Mass? I dunno, I haven’t owned a place elsewhere)

      • MikeS

        I’ve not had to do that in NoDak.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        “Confidentially, it’s a buck-and-a-quarter quarterstaff. But he doesn’t have to know that.”

      • Tres Cool

        + yikes and away

      • TARDis

        Yep. It’s right there with the county tax commissioner.

    • TARDis

      That’s just great, I just bought one a few weeks ago. I should give it a racist name and see what happens.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Even before this I would hope anyone I liked wouldn’t use one. Are you willing to return it?

      • TARDis

        Under what grounds? “You people are STASI!”

        If it’s not Amazon, it’s Google.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        “Changed my mind / Didn’t fit / Didn’t get along with pet”?

        IOW, make up something suitable.

        I am not terib fond of the external cameras, much less the internal ones.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        terribly

      • slumbrew

        Colonoscopys are right out

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        No thanks!

      • TARDis

        Google probably live streams those to employees and anyone willing to subscribe.

    • hayeksplosives

      No.

      Some things just don’t need to be on the “Internet of Things.”

      These include vacuum cleaners and instant pots.

      • Count Potato

        Remember keeping government out of your bedroom? Now “teledildonics” is a word.

    • Rat on a train

      Amazon Echo, Key, Ring, and Roomba … we know your house and have access.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        What would a rat know? Oh.

      • Rat on a train

        Not as much as a fly.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Wait, I thought she was a lesbian.

      • robc

        I was confused for a while too, but I think that is her sister.

      • juris imprudent

        I thought it was the spawn of the lesser satan, McCain.

  16. mikey

    87,000?
    That’s scary enough. Now consider they’ll be coming from the same pool of applicants as what the TSA hires from.

    • The Other Kevin

      Hopefully at least half of them will be “diversity specialists”.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    The move, Knox told Insider, is uniquely dangerous for a few reasons: First, Amazon will be acquiring an established market share, not a startup, which he said would cut off competition in a market that already wasn’t competitive and could further Amazon’s reach. Second, because of the massive amount of data that comes with accessing iRobot’s established data sets, Amazon can collect new information through the robots, he added.

    “I think this feels really intrusive to people — and it should,” Knox told Insider. “Like, when people buy a Roomba, it’s because they want clean floors. They don’t buy a Roomba to have a little robot inside of your house spying on the layout of your home and whether or not you have a crib in your house or whether or not there are pet toys and a pet bed in a room of your house. So then it can funnel that information to Amazon, and Amazon can push whatever dog-toy ads to you the next time you log on.”

    It’s looking up your dress to see what kind of panties you wear!

    • The Other Kevin

      “Why am I all of a sudden seeing ads for bikini wax and razors?”

    • TARDis

      I can tolerate marketing because I can understand greed. But when you are selling info to those who want not money, but control that’s a problem.

      Who moves faster than Richard Pryor down the street? Why it’s a blue Mini!

  18. grrizzly

    Researchers warn bachelorette parties in Provincetown are destroying LGBTQ+ safe spaces

    “Just as a gentrifier is able to exercise their financial prowess to seduce a seller, a hetrifier is likewise able to buy space in a queer venue,” the researchers said. “Many gay and lesbian spaces were the result of white gentrification of neighborhoods that were primarily Black and Latinx. But hetrificaiton, unlike gentrification, is an appropriation not just of space, but of culture. According to our LGBTQ+ interviewees, the women suffer from a ‘Will and Grace’ complex. They think they can shout Cher lyrics and yell ‘Yaaaasssss, Queen!’ because they are welcomed into gay culture. Our research shows otherwise.”

    • Ownbestenemy

      “hetrifier”

      GTFO

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        hetErifier, no?

      • slumbrew

        I am dumber for even having read that.

      • R.J.

        Agreed. It’s making me go back to work instead of continuing to read.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Gosh, maybe we should all just keep to our separate (but equal) spaces.

    • slumbrew

      Gay dudes don’t want a bunch of loud women rolling into their party scene? The deuce you say!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Wonder how that article would be received if it was about how businesses are complaining about ‘gaying the place up’

    • rhywun

      OFFFS.

      Go be a hater somewhere else.

    • Nephilium

      No one wants WOO girls in their bars. No one.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        It depends. Are they easy?

      • Nephilium

        They may be. But they will blast your ears with their warning as they scream “Woooo!” at the top of their lungs. There will be one or two among them who are the bouncers to keep the group safe from the predation of interested men. They will also be beyond the point of reasonable intoxication.

      • Tres Cool

        Those “bouncer” types are usually the DUFF- Designated Ugly Fat Friend.
        Not only do they provide security, but they elevate the 4s and 5s to 7s or 8s.

      • Shpip

        My experiences weren’t quite like this, but close enough.

        I must admit, being the bartender at my fraternity’s parties was a great way to meet the ladies, at least compared to finding them at a student dive. And if the object of my affection had a DUFF to run interference for her, I had eighty of my mates to distract the DUFF while I spirited my new friend upstairs.

      • DEG

        Seconded.

      • MikeS

        Seconded. I’ve seen a bachelorette party full of WOO girls completely destroy the vibe of a bar crowd a few times.

      • MikeS

        I call* them Woo ‘Tang Clans.

        Not really. That just popped into my head.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Just lure them out into the parking lot with White Claws and Chardonnay

      • MikeS

        And then…? There “ain’t no laws when you’re drinking Claws” they say…

      • Animal

        When I was single, I used to actively seek out the WOO girls (never heard that term before, but it’s apt) except that you didn’t want the bachelorette parties.

        You wanted the divorce parties.

        Start buying them drinks, and you’d get laid nine times out of ten, by some member of that group.

    • Ted S.

      Oh god this is hilarious 🤣😆

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      I read that first as heiferfier.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Pretty close in reality I’ll bet

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s different when it happens to us!

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Some things just don’t need to be on the “Internet of Things.”

    These include vacuum cleaners and instant pots.

    Oh, come on! Everybody needs a bluetooth toaster.

  20. The Last American Hero

    Only if it looks like Tricia Helfer.

    • slumbrew

      No idea what this is in reply to, but I endorse this message.

      • rhywun

        Robot sandwich maker.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I mean…its windy…and I’ve struggled with getting a jacket on…but it all adds up, so ya.

    • CPRM

      Looks like he just starts wandering off at the end.

    • Animal

      “Ladies and gentlemen, the leader of the free world!”

      I can’t even muster much of anything but pity for the guy at this point. He’s clearly lost it, and his family, staff and other people around him are all guilty of elder abuse, just to keep their ill-gotten gains and undeserved influence. What horrible people.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        ^^THIS.

      • MikeS

        Every time I start feeling pity for this fuck, I think about how he’s been grifting Americans for as long as I’ve been alive. He is surrounded by horrible people because he is/was one.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        👆

    • Mustang

      Eh, I’ve done almost the exact same thing and yes, it was embarrassing.

      • MikeS

        The jacket thing…yep, many of us have been there, but it was all in such slow motion. And then the whole thing with the sunglasses, and the shuffling feet, and then appearing to wander off at the end. He should be relaxing at home, enjoying retirement and all his ill-gotten gains, not leading the US.

  21. Scruffy Nerfherder

    MF’er. One consult with a pediatric gastroenterologist and the bills already top $2k.

    All for an office visit and some basic blood work.

    Fucking thieves. I’ll never use CHKD again.

    • Tundra

      CHKD?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Children’s Hospital of the Kings Daughters

        Every interaction I’ve ever had with them has been next to useless and very expensive. I’m done. If I’ve got to cart the kids multiple hours away for an appointment , I’ll do it.

      • Tundra

        That’s healthcare – an absolute clusterfuck.

        Maybe take a look here. Lots of real docs bailing on the retarded systems.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Thanks, I’ll take a look

    • slumbrew

      Shit, sorry man.

      It’s enraging that they’ve so screwed up the medical system and their answer is always _more_ governmental involvement.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They’ve bought up almost all of the pediatric practices in the area and most regular doctors will not see a kid under 18.

    • Grosspatzer

      Holy crap, that sucks.

      Children’s Hospital of the King’s Daughters? I guess they can afford it,

    • DEG

      Sorry.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Thanks.

        I’m mostly pissed at myself because I know better.

    • Count Potato

      Yikes!

  22. Brochettaward

    The Bro is always The First at everything and does so in an honest manner, except paying taxes. In that game, if you aint cheatin’, you aint Firstin’.

  23. Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

    “She” is the Foreign Legion.

    That is all.

    • juris imprudent

      I thought that, but it was French regular Army that rode to the rescue.

  24. CPRM

    Looking into that deepfake software, might be fun to play around with. Although, my face structure probably doesn’t match too many celebrities.

    System requirements
    any DirectX12 compatible graphics card

    (Recommended RTX 2070+ / Radeon RX 5700 XT+ )

    Modern CPU with AVX instructions

    4GB RAM, 32GB+ paging file

    Windows 10

    That seems kinda large. What about my 32GB of RAM with a smaller page file?

    • Rat on a train

      my face structure probably doesn’t match too many celebrities
      Use it like Autotune.

    • Ted S.

      Im not on Windows.

      • Ted S.

        Should be I’m, of course.

      • MikeS

        Off coarse.

      • Rat on a train

        VMWare, KVM, QEMU, there are multiple free options.

    • Ownbestenemy

      John Candy? WC Fields?

  25. Tundra
    • Rat on a train

      Freedom of choice is what you got.
      Freedom from choice is what you want.

    • Mustang

      Fuck the critics. I loved every second.

      • Mustang

        Also…there was no political messaging at all, which is bad, I guess? There’s good and bad guys at every level of the show, in both government and corporations. You know…just like real life…

        The left has killed fun. There’s no room for escapism.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        And the actions of the lead character were in a morally gray area. I thought the show made that clear.

      • Raven Nation

        Yeah, I thought it was a solid B+.

    • Brochettaward

      They needed to make the lead black and if not full trans, at least gender non-conforming in some way. Left the service under Trump when he stopped paying for gender reassignment surgeries only to be called back to the fray when duty called and the adults returned to office.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        *starts scribbling notes for new pitch *

      • Zwak. And once again, the mall is his Waterloo

        I guess Taylor Kitsch is in it? He played a closeted gay in True Detective #2, and all the PMC types couldn’t understand why anyone would be closeted at this point. I tried to point out to them that most working-class people were still not down with the lifestyle, and that there was a reason DL exists, but they could not understand that.

  26. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Here we go!

    https://thehill.com/policy/national-security/3593418-fbi-raids-trumps-mar-a-lago/

    The FBI executed a search warrant on former President Trump’s home in Florida on Monday, the ex-president said in a statement lashing out at law enforcement for “political persecution.”

    “My beautiful home Mar A Lago in Palm Beach, Florida is currently under siege, raided and occupied by a large group of FBI agents,” Trump said.

    “After working and cooperating with the relevant government agencies, this unannounced raid at my home was not necessary or appropriate.”

    The remarkable execution of a search warrant at a former president’s home comes as the Justice Department has accelerated its investigation into the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the Capitol and further examined the actions Trump took to overturn the 2020 election results to remain in power.

    It was not immediately clear what was examined during the search, but Trump said the law enforcement officials “even broke into my safe.”

    “Nothing like this has ever happened to a President of the United States before,” Trump said.

    The Justice Department declined to comment.

    Do we officially qualify as a banana republic yet?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      And I have to imagine that Trump’s personal safe is not insignificant. They probably destroyed it getting in.

    • robodruid

      Fall of Rome stuff.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yeah, this is taking the gloves off.

        Everything is fair game now. It’s going to get much, much uglier.

      • R.J.

        Good! They all need to go murder each other and leave me alone.

      • Animal

        If I remember right, they did the same thing to Giuliani a few months back, and nothing came of it. Even so – these are intimidation tactics, nothing but.

      • Not an Economist

        And they let Hillary decide what emails to turn over but for Trump and friends, they go in without warning.

      • Rat on a train

        They also let her turn over electronics to a private company for analysis.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Giuliani wasn’t elected president.

        Aggressive political prosecutions of previous leaders is considered verboten for a reason. You’re signaling to everyone else that you would expect the same treatment from them and therefore you cannot cede control. The tacit gentleman’s agreement between opposing parties is coming apart at the seams and all bets are now off.

      • Not an Economist

        And what is publicly available with Hunter and his father would make it easy to return the favor if a Republican gets elected again.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Exactly. This goes one of two ways.

        1. The Republicans get elected, return the favor and then the Democrats do and so on until it erupts into civil violence.

        2. The Democrats seize total control with the help of the RINOs and do not let go, period.

        The stakes are getting too high and the worst natures of the worst people on the planet are going to start showing themselves.

      • Raven Nation

        Hah! The Republicans get elected and emphasize bipartisanship and reaching across the aisle.

      • Animal

        Games without frontiers. War without tears.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Maybe, but I think this is going to doom the RINOs. The reactionary wave is going to get a head of steam over this and it will become a litmus test for support.

    • Urthona

      Have they released a reason yet?

      • Gender Traitor

        “Because fuck Trump AND you, that’s why.”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’d like to see that warrant and who signed it.

        Should be very illuminating.

    • MikeS

      In the words of Joe himself, “This is a big fucking deal.”

  27. The Late P Brooks

    The remarkable execution of a search warrant at a former president’s home comes as the Justice Department has accelerated its investigation into the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the Capitol and further examined the actions Trump took to overturn the 2020 election results to remain in power.

    It was not immediately clear what was examined during the search, but Trump said the law enforcement officials “even broke into my safe.”

    Land of the free.

    Home of the brave.

    • Drake

      Land of the bananas.

    • R.J.

      Land of the fat
      Home of the knave.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    The tacit gentleman’s agreement between opposing parties is coming apart at the seams and all bets are now off.

    This is what comes of allowing your political organization to be hijacked by feral children.

    • Animal

      “Did you really think we want those laws observed?” said Dr. Ferris. “We want them to be broken. You’d better get it straight that it’s not a bunch of boy scouts you’re up against… We’re after power and we mean it… There’s no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren’t enough criminals one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What’s there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced or objectively interpreted – and you create a nation of law-breakers – and then you cash in on guilt. Now that’s the system, Mr. Reardon, that’s the game, and once you understand it, you’ll be much easier to deal with.”

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Animal gets it.