Fire Traced to Candlelight Vigil for Victims of Last Fire

Fire Traced to Candlelight Vigil for Victims of Last Fire

LOS ANGELES - Tragedy has struck the Golden State once more with a deadly blaze which killed more than a dozen and left hundreds homeless. "It's a catastrophe on multiple levels", said California Fire Prevention Spokeswoman Joanna Gambolputty. "The area burned down...

Genie Tonic

Genie Tonic

The state fair had come once more to the dusty fairgrounds of a podunk town. Crowds of curious rubes and yokels from miles around came for the circus and other festivities. As exciting as seeing an elephant was for people, who in most cases were people who'd never...

Military Struggles to Recruit People With Normal Testosterone Levels

Military Struggles to Recruit People With Normal Testosterone Levels

WASHINGTON DC - "While the Blue-to-Pink program has been a resounding success in retaining transgender service members and boosting the share of women in leadership roles, our research shows that the military in general appeals to young cisgender men" explained Joanna...

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

Americans Unsure If CEO Murder Bad

NEW YORK - "I've never any seen anything quite like it, not even during the height of Laurel/Yanny controversy" said Joanna Gambolputty, a public opinion analyst at the Hogwash Institute for Humbug Research. "The very same people quick to condemn not just the use but...

I, Soldier – part 37

Once, Quint was sleepless. So I held him in my lap, and we watched TV together until the sign-off message came. The national anthem played, the Iwo Jima flag raising statue was shown, and Quint drifted off to sleep not long after. I did the same thing with Cathy a few...

I, Soldier – part 35

The accident at the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant was a particularly depressing day for me. I became convinced that no new nuclear power plants would be built, and the existing ones would be shut down eventually. Something similar happened to warplanes for a...

I, Soldier – part 28

"From a statistical perspective, being a flip-flopper doubles your chances of winning. Machiavelli was not a mathematician." "I'm getting some croutons in case you plan on serving any more word salad tonight." Soon enough, it was the night of the debate. We were the...

I, Soldier – part 24

It dawned on me that my mom's cryptic note about leaving my dad for a better man was a subtle way of saying she was leaving him to be a nun. Nuns sometimes refer to themselves as brides of Christ. The mystery was unraveling fast. To gain access to the grounds, I...

Story of My Life – part 23

Below is a video that fits with this installment of my autobiography. Proof NSA is spying on me and has been harassing mehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egj-9eO81a0 On the 1 hand, it was an amusing trick, and it was nice to know that NSA is concerned about my health...

I, Soldier – part 23

It was now mid 1973 and the war had taken another turn for the worse. After much pressure, the draft had ended, and the vast majority of US troops had been withdrawn from Vietnam. The fate of the war now lay in the hands of the South Vietnamese military, which the US...