FORT MEADE - The National Security Agency has recently launched an online dating service. The initiative came as a result of pressure from the Department of Government Efficiency which requires that federal agencies be self-funding to the greatest extent possible....
Marinara anyone?
In a beet field on the outskirts of Freehold, Iowa, thousands of well-wishers have gathered to bid farewell to extraterrestrial singing sensation Lady Gaga, who will soon be boarding a starship bound for a system near the star Arcturus. Since arriving on Earth in...
In a distant land, there were never any people, and so the animals developed differently. The country, called the Animal Kingdom, was divided into two nations: the Carnivore Dictatorship and the Herbivore Republic. Each side chose leaders once a year. The carnivores...
WASHINGTON DC - A shabby, disheveled vagrant was escorted from a closed door-intelligence briefing at the Capitol today after a thorough examination, whereupon it was concluded that the stranger was not a senator. "I'm shocked. Shocked, I tell you. We've become...
Fire.
The state fair had come once more to the dusty fairgrounds of a podunk town. Crowds of curious rubes and yokels from miles around came for the circus and other festivities. As exciting as seeing an elephant was for people, who in most cases were people who'd never...
The struggle is real.
NEW YORK - "I've never any seen anything quite like it, not even during the height of Laurel/Yanny controversy" said Joanna Gambolputty, a public opinion analyst at the Hogwash Institute for Humbug Research. "The very same people quick to condemn not just the use but...
New hires.
Part 38
Once, Quint was sleepless. So I held him in my lap, and we watched TV together until the sign-off message came. The national anthem played, the Iwo Jima flag raising statue was shown, and Quint drifted off to sleep not long after. I did the same thing with Cathy a few...
Part 36.
The accident at the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant was a particularly depressing day for me. I became convinced that no new nuclear power plants would be built, and the existing ones would be shut down eventually. Something similar happened to warplanes for a...
Part 34
Part 33
Part 32
Links from WV’s one and only cryptid
Part 31
Part 30
Part 29.
"From a statistical perspective, being a flip-flopper doubles your chances of winning. Machiavelli was not a mathematician." "I'm getting some croutons in case you plan on serving any more word salad tonight." Soon enough, it was the night of the debate. We were the...
Part 27
Part 26
Part 25