“We should start destroying Subarus,” the hat said to Donald, his words slithering into Donald’s ears like a greased snake. “We could scratch the hammer and sickle on them,” the hair said. “Whoa,” the hat said, “That’s tough guy stuff coming from you.” “I like Elon,”...
Controversies
“Will no one rid me of this troublesome Thomas Massie?” Donald asked, brow-weary. “He’s never respected authority,” the crown said. “He needs to know his place.” “He is loyal, sire,” the wig said. “No, he should be made an example of,” the crown said. “Post bills in...
Let's check in on Slate... The Women Who Wanted to Leave Their Husbands Over Politics For a few glimmering moments in 2024, it seemed as if white women—Trump’s second-biggest voting bloc, who are often married to white men, his first-biggest voting bloc—were going to...
That’s, like, so meta.
We look divine
“LSD orgy!” Warty screamed as he dived into the pile of entangled limbs and swollen genitalia. He swatted away jutting penises as he pulled himself over the undulating surface, toward the upraised buttocks of a Checkerboard Lady. The tangled delight of her labia...
literally cried, like big trembling tears
rise
I forget the movie song
Pop. Pop.
oh, yeah
Roll for initiative
so hot, so cold, so far, so out of control
The Golden Eagle
Bring me back today
Urine, feces, sterilizing fluids, and, bizarrely, pumpkins.
Can SugarFree ignore this? No, SugarFree cannot. Just like SugarFree has a hard time not talking about himself in the third-person!
“So, I do get to come to the Inauguration, right?” Elon asked. “Of course you do,” Donald said effusively. “You’re my favorite White person I know.” “Christ,” the hat said. “Four years of this shit.” “He keeps talking about Diablo II,” the hair said. “Bitch should be...
I’m on a ride and I want to get off
“You will rule Britain with an iron fist, my son,” Trump said. “They will be a vassal state. You will cleanse the land of rapists.” “Am I ready, Father?” Barron asked. “He should be a Baron,” the hair said. “Baron Barron sounds powerful.” “Archduke Barron, the...
proud patriotic music about America and dogs and Applebee’s. This wasn't something I just made up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_zuB-ogIBw Joe Rogan Has Been Dethroned on Spotify. His Successor’s Podcast is a Delight. What’s not to love about Kylie Kelce? She’s...
China!
I like the idea of Britain turning into Shelbyville. But we must protect our precious lemon tree. BritWar III if that's what it takes. https://twitter.com/Harry__Faulkner/status/1866496065295245511 What Nancy Mace’s Despicable Slur Will Cost Us Once upon a time,...
“Oh, Canada,” the hat sighed. “Stop, just stop,” the hair said. “Land of the unfree, home of the unbrave,” the hat trilled. “Jesus,” the hair spat in disgust. “From the heroin-washed shores of Vancouver to the heathen French of Montreal, I will save you,” the hat said...