“Why did you let me get so drunk on that stuff?” the hair asked, miserable, perched on Donald’s shoulder like a parrot about to vomit. “I didn’t let you do anything,” the hat said. “I’m not your Cracky.” “I miss that guy,” the hair said. “We all miss that guy,” the...
““Fuck you,” the hair grumbled, lop-sided on Donald’s head. “What the hell did I do?” the hat asked. The hair said something slurred and indistinct and the hat glowered with his bulging hat eyes. “Donald?” the hat asked. “What’s wrong with him?” “I’m fine,” the hair...
SPACE KING! In the muscle-bound words of Warty Hugeman: It's Space Balls for Warhammer 40K https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lknNsZgzG1g Giving us this amazing meme: Forensics determine source of liquid sprayed on Rep. Ilhan Omar during town hall MINNEAPOLIS — Hours...
“They sprayed something on me!’ Ilhan said, distressed, changing her hijab. “What was it?” Sandy asked. “Does that really matter?” Rashida replied, helping Ilhan adjust her performative headwear. “I’ve had a lot of stuff sprayed on me, “ Sandy said brightly, “and some...
Barron Trump 'saved woman's life' by calling 999 as his friend was 'being attacked' during FaceTime call, court hears Donald Trump's youngest son saved the life of a woman in London by phoning the police when he witnessed her being beaten up over a video call, a court...
“But what is it, Father?” Barron asked as he circled the enormous model that dominated The Oval Office. “Greenland, Son,” Donald said. “It shall be yours once I wrest it away from the Swedes.” “Wrest,” the hat said. “Now that’s a good word.” “I told you the Word of...
In case you are not terminally online, this is the reference point for the last post: Can this be anything but a sexual fantasy? I actually enjoy this level of self-reporting through unhinged rant. This is one of the dumbest fucking slogans imaginable. What does it...
Just secret desires…
O garment not golden but gilded, O garden where all men may dwell,O tower not of ivory, but builded By hands that reach heaven from hell;O mystical rose of the mire, O house not of gold but of gain,O house of unquenchable fire, Our Lady of Pain! -Swinburne The wound...
“Do you want a tampon?” Tim asked, trembling. “Shut the fuck up,” Amy said as she pulled the black bag over Tim’s head. “Are you my mommy?” Tim whimpered. “I have to remove you,” “you aren’t fit to lead Minnesota," Amy said. "Look at me. Look at me. I’m the Governor...
"Hey, honey, you wanna watch something? What's on Netlfix?" The plot follows the story of Carla Antonella "Carlita" Rodríguez, a trans woman and the first trans miner in the Patagonia, an occupation vetoed for women. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_of_Coal "Can't...
“Y’all stop teasing them chickens,” Usha hollered to her children, letting the screen door shut behind her. She turned back to the stove, her bare feet slapping on the checkered linoleum. “Usha!” JDcalled, “I’m home.” He set down his knapsack and kissed her on her...
Drunk raccoon found passed out on liquor store floor after breaking in Staff at a Virginia liquor store got a shock on Saturday when they came into work to find the store had been broken into by a very intoxicated raccoon. The "masked bandit" was found passed out in...
"It looks like..." the hat began. "Don't say it," the hair growled. "That you were having..." "Don't." "A bad hair day." The hair launched himself at the hat, screeching in rage, sweeping him off the desk. They landed in a squirming ball on the floor, howling, biting,...
The key to looking youthful is Swamp Thing semen. Also, it makes you delusional. "Do you know what it is like to hate? When it goes deep down inside?" The press junket for Wicked is just Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo having some sort of weird lesbian...
Poasting.
“It’s not my fault she looks like a pig!” Donald yelled. Karoline rubbed at her face and sighed. “She looks like a pig!” the hat said. “He said, ‘Peggy,’” the hair said. “Her name is Peggy, he said, ‘Quiet, quiet, Peggy.’” “She was being pig,” the hat said, “so she...
Globalize the Enchilada “Zohran,” the voice said. It was his mother’s voice. It was always his mother’s voice. “What?” he whispered. Rama rolled away from him, muttering something. “Zohran,” his mother’s voice crooned, “the Jew is about the land. You must stop him.”...
Woman Ordered Medicine by Mail, Got a Box of Human Fingers Instead A woman in Hopkinsville, Kentucky, was waiting for a shipment of medicine and medical supplies. When it finally arrived, she ripped the box open and found that it was filled with human arms and fingers...
“Momadoobly,” Donald said. “Ma’am-haad-e,” the hair said carefully. “Mumhobby,” Donald spat out the word, like a cherry pit going for a record distance. “Who fucking cares?” USA hat hollared. “He’s a gotdamn furriner!” “Ignore him,” the hat said, “but he’s right.” “I...
She laid the osculum infame on him and his will drained away -- a tender kiss, nothing more, and he was lost. Her tail lashed him, cut him as they fucked, his soul forfeit. Without God all things are possible and all things permitted, she whispered. He went to her...
Ex-White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre left Democratic Party, publisher of her book says “Until January 20, I was responsible for speaking on behalf of the President of the United States,” Jean-Pierre, the first Black woman and openly gay person to hold the...
Karine adjusts her pantyhose and fluffs up her hair. She is now ready for the carefully vetted studio audience. The moderator, finger lingering over the shock collar button, collars the entire audience had agreed to wear, readies themself to Piker anyone that goes off...
If you are on X and you aren't using this to troll Will Stancil, you need to get on-board the womp womp train. Since stories about me hurting myself are so popular... In 5th grade, a kid on the bus asked me for a piece of notebook paper. The loose piece in my backpack...
There lived in a town most hideousA man by the name of PhineasHis pheromones were so fearsomeThey drew all the ladies, even the winsomeTo accept the root and seed of PhineasWho was a loathsome man, so perfidiousHe left them gibbering and dumbAnd always, always quite...