PORTLAND - "We've decided to join forces to achieve our common goals", said Imperial Cyclops Leroy Jenkins....
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Human Error Corrected in 2020 Election, Flipping All Remaining Trump States to Biden
SACRAMENTO, CA -- Election monitors in California discovered a massive error in the 2020 election, which...
The Care and Feeding Of Your New Wood Chipper
Disclaimer: This article is satire, so fuck off any piece-of-shit state attorney who is looking to make a...
Borg Announce New Motto: We’re All in This Together
DELTA QUADRANT - "Mistakes were made; races were assimilated improperly", said 7 of 11, spokesdrone for the...
Feminists Slam Jeopardy! For Promoting Unrealistic Intelligence Standards
CLEVELAND - "First off, it's a GIRL-cott, not a boycott, and the difference is very important", said Joanna...
Somalia Sends Peacekeepers to Portland
MOGADISHU - In an emergency session of the Somali parliament, law makers determined that the crisis in...
Martian Violence Blamed On Indiana Guns
CYDONIA - Gunfire sounds from every direction on this typical evening on the red planet. Experts say the guns...
Army Unveils New ‘Peaceful Protester’ Attack Helicopter
FORT RUCKER - "This magnificent machine represents a new era in aerial warfare: the marriage of state of the...
California Experiments With Absentee Electricity
SACRAMENTO - After recent successes including absentee voting, absentee schooling, absentee policing, and in...
Trump on Dead Soldiers: They Probably Vote Democrat Anyway
WASHINGTON DC - At a press conference today, CNN reporter Jim Acosta confronted Trump on his alleged...