Category: Opinion

Donald enters the secret bathroom he had installed next to Ivanka’s office. Donald sits down on his gold lined toilet seat ready to enjoy 2 Big Macs while he watches Ivanka through one of the many peep holes he’s had installed in the White House. This is Donny’s alone time it’s very special to him.

Ivanka enters her office. She seems so relieved once she shuts and locks the door. She removes her top, her jacket and her pants leaving her in nothing but her panties and bra. Ivanka says “Alexa, play Melissa Etheridge Come To My Window”. Softly lip syncing the words, Ivanka stops to admire herself in the mirror giving herself a smile of approval. Donny, in his secret bathroom, fully erect and fully expecting Ivanka to open her wardrobe and pick out an outfit, is shocked and sickened as to see what’s inside the wardrobe, it’s definitely not clothing. Cut outs, photos, even a poster of Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez line the inner doors of the wardrobe. A few candles burn with a professionally done photo of AOC at the center with what looks like a tuft of black hair. Donny can’t believe his beedy little eyes. Ivanka looks longingly at the photo, sheds a single tear and just says “someday” as she closes the doors to the wardrobe. Donald takes a bite of his second Big Mac in sadness and solitude.

Meanwhile. Melania, relieved that Donny’s attention is on Ivanka, makes way for the White House laundry room where she meets Stephen Miller, Senior Policy Advisor. It’s been a few days since she’s seen Stephen, so she is ready. Stephen all of 1 1/2 inches is more than Melania is used to so it’s hard for her to keep quiet as Stephen ravishes her. “BE BEST!!! BE BEST!! BE BEST!!! BE BE BE BEESSSSSTTTTT!!!

Down the hall, after a few unsuccessful tinder dates, Donny Jr. has just finished Red Dead Redemption 2. Donny puts on his favorite cowboy hat and starts running up and down the White House halls yelling YEEEEEE HAAAAWWWW!!!! as he pretends to be on horseback. The White House staff is used to this and plays along greeting Donny Jr. with “Howdies” and “YEEE HAWWWS” of there own. Donny Jr. concludes his wild west gallop through the White House with visit to the White House kitchen for his favorite. Peanut butter jelly with the crust cut off and a glass of milk.